


Cyrus Goodman vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda

by Tutselutse



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Background Relationships, Coming Out, Cyrus Goodman's self-esteem issues, Cyrus is Blue, Dorks in Love, Emails, Gay Disaster T. J. Kippen, Good Hair Crew (Andi Mack), Homophobia, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, Love Simon AU, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, T. J. Kippen & Amber Are Siblings, T. J. Kippen Needs A Hug, T.J. is Simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2020-10-10 14:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20529875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tutselutse/pseuds/Tutselutse
Summary: He looked around at his fellow students, feeling a strange flutter in his stomach. One of these random boys could behim.He could have met him already. They could have spoken in class without knowing it. It was wild to think about. Cyrus liked that they were anonymous, it made him relax and crack more jokes. He didn't worry about seeming weird, because they weren't going to hang out.A Love, Simon AU





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, a love, simon au. Ta daaaa. I've literally been writing this instead of working on my thesis. 
> 
> This is inspired by both the movie and the book. I'll just pick my favorite parts from each and incorporate, because I can.  
So, it starts around the same time as season 3, the biggest difference being that Buffy didn't tutor TJ in math while she was on the boys basketball team, so TJ and Cyrus never met on the swings (gasps). Buffy quit the team, and now is starting a girls team, yay.
> 
> I will do a warning in the notes when we reach the chapter with the homophobia. I hope to update once a week, I have written most of the fic already, and just need some editing.  
EDIT: if you haven't noticed, the emails are scroll-able :D :D

Summer ending was always a strange feeling for Cyrus. On the one hand he wanted vacation to drag on forever, so he could have fun with no pressure on his school performance. On the other, he liked school. He liked the routine and when his days where scheduled. This was last year of middle school, and he knew he was going to be obsessing over it. Not to mention the fact that Jonah Beck and Andi still had unanswered questions about their relationship, which was bound to bring drama, _and_ Andi still seemed weird about the fact that Buffy and Walker were doing... whatever they were doing. It would take up time for sure!

He heard a rummaging around outside, and peaked out the door. His mom was standing on a ladder, taking down boxes from the top shelf in the cupboard in the hall. Cyrus closed the door as quietly as possible. Leslie Goodman's cleaning and sorting frenzy was basically tradition for the end of vacation. He had hoped she would forget it this year, but sadly no. He was hoping to avoid getting roped into it.

He decided that school starting on Monday was okay. Now he just needed something to do tomorrow, so he didn't have to sort through his old drawings and baby socks the whole Sunday. If he finished cleaning up his room tonight, then maybe he could justify going to the Spoon with Andi for milkshakes?

He looked around his room with determination, and got started. When he had sorted his desk, he packed away most of the summer clothes, and instead put nice dress code appropriate shirts and pants in front of the closet. "Sorry, but we all gotta stay in the closet for now," he joked to his shorts, as he pushed them further back. He laughed to himself, those kind of jokes felt more normal because of the emails. It was nice.

He looked at his computer. No new emails yet. He was excited about a response from "Chad". Cyrus was sure it was a fake name, for one, _he _had used air quotes himself, in the first email. Cyrus smiled as he scrolled through the inbox. He made a fake email account just for these emails, after he posted on the confessions tumblr blog for their school. It was called _shadysecrets, _because what else would a middleschooler come up with? Cyrus never read through it much. He knew some of the kids at school checked it obsessively. Someone had made a post about Andi's family situation, but otherwise the gossip was usually hearsay and silly stuff. Like Cathrine B. freaking out whenever she heard the sound laminated paper makes. Or someone anonymous, who was afraid of watermelon seeds.

In the middle of summer vacation, Cyrus had felt extremely bored and unsure of himself. He had been away on vacation, far from his friends, and he had been considering coming out to his mom and step-dad, but he kind of wanted to tell all four parents as close to each other as possible, so he didn't pick any favorites. Also the word _gay_ still scared him. He wanted to tell Jonah, but every time he would get so nervous, he ended up sweating heavily.

And then one moment it had just been _too much_ and instead of screaming, like he wanted to, he sat down and wrote about his feelings, like his dad told him too once. First it had been a ramble, but the last few lines kind of sounded good. Like something you could show others. For some reason, he had felt brave enough to post it on _shadysecrets_. He still couldn't believe it had happened.

He just wrote about how alone he felt, how far away other people's lives could feel. He forced himself to write about how hidden he felt, but at the same time so exposed, because he was gay. It was the first time Cyrus used the word to describe himself. It had been terrifying and liberating! Someone had replied to the post with 'THIS' and an email address. After a few days, Cyrus had ended up making a fake account and emailing the stranger.

He was careful not to reveal anything about himself, and somehow an honest and wonderful conversation had started. Cyrus looked at the emails. Soon he would have written about being gay so many times, he might even be able to say it aloud. All thanks to "Chad". He sighed, this was the year he was going to say it. He silently promised himself to tell Jonah and his parents before Hanukkah. That way all his parents hopefully had time to process it before the Holidays. Cyrus picked up his T-Rex plushie and placed in on his bed. It matched his dinosaur night light and his blue bed sheets.

"Should I tell Jonah first?" he asked it. The T-Rex didn't respond. Maybe Jonah? He was only one person, and a lot easier to stop talking to if he didn't accept it. However, it was hard to imagine Jonah not accepting something.

Cyrus picked up his phone and texted Andi, hoping she would save him from house cleaning in the morning.

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Aug 17 at 6:12 PM

SUBJECT: Re: When you first realized...

Bambi,

wow, catching a crush on the same guy as your best friend sure sounds awkward as hell! i am so glad she was supportive, when you told her! :))) man, i haven't told anyone, not even my sister. not gonna lie, i am a bit jealous over you having told your friends

asdfgkgm WAIT i just realized! are you still friends with him???? have you told him?? :O :O :O

I don't have a story that's nearly half as funny and awkward as that. I just found myself weirdly invested in my sister's Jonas Brothers phase. I pretended to complain, but I always stared at the music videos when she watched them. Haha. Please don't judge me. It was hard not to gawk at Nick Jonas. My sister once asked if I thought one of the girls in the video was cute, and I hadn't even noticed them... Guess being gay makes you good at lying. OH and once, a friend of my friend leaned in and brushed off an eyelash from my cheek and smiled at me and my insides turned to goo. That was probably the moment I knew completely.

OMG. I just realized my brain decided to write like I am texting. Embarrassing. You always write so neat and perfect. I hope I don't scare you off with my bad grammar and text lingo....

\- "Chad"

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Aug 17 at 7:45 PM

SUBJECT: Re: When you first realized...

There is something about typing an email, that makes me write correctly. It's a bit silly, since this is practically one long text. Please don't worry about your grammar - my texting is horrible as well. I guess the subject matter we are discussing also makes me want to make sure I express myself properly, so there won't be any misunderstandings. I told you I am an overthinker, didn't I? :)

My two best friends are the only people I have told - if you don't count the Shadysecrets post, of course. Goodness NO, I haven't told him. I never will! There is absolutely no reason for me to reveal such an embarrassing thing. I am over the crush and we are friends now and that is all that matters.

Are we talking 'Sucker' Nick Jonas or 'Burning Up' Nick Jonas? Because only one of these answers will make me judge you. Also did you know he is in Jumanji? The others made me watch it, and it only scared me a little.

I am actually terrible at lying. Last week my aunt asked me when I was getting a new girlfriend and I laughed really weirdly for 30 seconds and left. Luckily my family has accepted that I am weird by now, so I don't think she suspected anything.

You ready for school to start again?

\- Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Aug 18 at 11:33 AM

SUBJECT: Re: When you first realized...

Awww, I am glad you can see through my writing. I think you mentioned the overthinking once or twice ;) I don't mind. I could probably turn into an underthinker, if I am not careful.

Dammit, there is a wrong answer?? Okay, okay. We're talking 'SOS' Nick Jonas. The eyes and the curls! I accept your incoming judgment... Oh yeah Jumanji. Fun movie. Are you, perhaps, a bit like Spencer? :P

I am not excited for some of my classes, that I can tell you. I liked summer vacation, even if I did have to work a bit. I want to buy new sneakers, so I need da moneyss. I don't know why I typed it like that, but since I am already expecting judgment, I will leave it.

What about you? Ready to go back and learn stuff and try not to stare at cute boys in the hall? :)))

\- "Chad"

PS: Not telling your friend is probs a good idea. If you ever come out to him, I hope he doesn't do that awful straight person thing and says "haha as long as you don't fancy me" or smt.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Aug 18 at 11:36 AM

SUBJECT: GIRLFRIEND????

WAIT BAMBI - A NEW GIRLFRIEND? Does this mean there was an old girlfriend??

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Aug 18 at 2:13 PM

SUBJECT: Re: When you first realized...

Haha, underthinker.

SOS Nick Jonas?? Hahaha! I guess that is almost 'Burning Up' Nick Jonas, which was the correct answer, so you escape the judgment... for now. I will not respond to your question about the similarities between me and Spencer, because that is a FAR OUT assumption, that I CAN NOT believe you would make ;)

You get dat moneyss brah. You get them sneaks. See, I can also sound like a dork? :)

Well since I am a person who had ONE whole girlfriend, and kissed her TWICE, you can see that I am a heterosexual and will not be staring at any cute boys in the halls. Duh :)

She was actually really great. If I had been straight, I probably would have proposed to her already. It was almost weird how much we had in common if I am being honest. She was actually my girlfriend when I got the crush on That Guy. So, a bit bad timing.

What about you? Any girlfriends?

\- Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Aug 18 at 11:50 PM

SUBJECT: Re: When you first realized...

asdfgjhlk you truly are the straightest of them all, Bambi. Your realization story is epic, they should make a film :)))

nope i never had a girlfriend. i haven't kissed anyone either. i don't even think ive held someone's hand. some of my friends try to set me up with girls, y'know, by inviting them along to hangouts, but i never really pay them much attention. it must be wild to meet someone who is perfect except you can't catch feelings for them.

I should turn off my pc and sleep. My sister keeps telling me the blue light will keep me up or smt. sorry for the typing.

* * *

It was the third week of the school year and Cyrus _still _hadn't gotten his hands on a chocolate chocolate chip muffin. It probably shouldn't annoy him as much as it did, but he really didn't want to add _ get a muffin _to his list of things he couldn't do.

Maybe he was also focusing a little hard on getting that muffin, because things between Andi and Buffy were still awkward, and he felt like he needed a win. Yesterday Cyrus, Jonah, Walker and Buffy had gone to a new café, and then Andi had passed them, on her way to try crêpes, with Amber of all people. Sure, Cyrus was somewhat friends with Amber, but Andi making plans with her alone was a bit... strange.

Buffy joined him in line. He could see she was doing a quick count of the muffins and the people ahead of them. She sent him an apologetic smile.

"It's fine," he sighed, "let's just go." They left the line and made their way down the hall. Buffy looked troubled.

"I have to kick Kira off the team," she said after a moment. Cyrus' draw dropped. Buffy's all girls basketball team wasn't exactly good, and it was giving her a lot of trouble. Kira was a new student, and she was a very good basketball player.

"Why?" Cyrus asked, placing a hand on Buffy's arm. He knew how much she wanted it to be a success after what happened on the boys team.

"She's not a team player at all," Buffy answered, "she steals the ball, she talks down to the others. If she is on the team, the others won't learn anything."

"That sucks, I am sorry," Cyrus said, "I know how excited you were for her to join."

"Yeah," Buffy sighed. Cyrus could see the determination in her eyes. "Have you spoken to Andi?"

"Not much. I texted her, but not about anything important." He shrugged. "You guys need to clear the air."

"I am going to deal with this Kira thing first," Buffy said, "I can't have both things in my head."

"Good idea," Cyrus said.

After Buffy walked off, it didn't take long before Andi appeared. They talked a little about an assignment they were both turning in, and then she asked "have you talked to Buffy?"

"Yeah, just before you showed up," Cyrus said, hating feeling in between them.

"Cy, how do I talk to her? I don't want to feel weird, but I do. Even though I shouldn't," Andi asked, biting her lip.

"Tell her that," he suggested, "honesty is the only way forward. You will work it out, you are _Andi and Buffy_."

"I guess." Andi tried smiling.

"You can do it," Cyrus said and clapped her arm. Sometimes it was hard to be the most emotionally mature person in the friend group, but he did like helping his friends. He looked around at his fellow students, feeling a strange flutter in his stomach. One of these random boys was _him_. He could have met him already. They could have spoken in class without knowing it. It was wild to think about. Cyrus liked that they were anonymous, it made him relax and crack more jokes. He didn't worry about seeming weird, because they weren't going to hang out. A dark-haired kid, with ripped jeans and untied shoelaces looked up, and made eye contact with him for a moment. Cyrus' heart hammered against his ribcage. These emails were probably the wildest thing he had ever done.

* * *

Buffy sat down in the cafeteria and sighed. "I told Kira she was off the team and she got really nasty."

"Oh no," Cyrus said. Andi was nodding next to him. This was a safe enough subject, so Andi and Buffy talked without trouble. Jonah joined them and also offered Buffy some advice on the team. Cyrus smiled to himself. The friendship between Jonah and Buffy made him weirdly happy. They were both into sports and competitive. Now Buffy wasn't talking to Marty anymore, it was good she could compete with Jonah.

"I just know the girls are going to be sad, because she gave us a real shot at actually winning," Buffy sighed. Cyrus looked up and saw Kira walk in. She stared at him when she caught him looking, and he quickly dropped his gaze. Yikes.

"She looks mean," he said. Andi looked up, before wincing.

"She does," she agreed.

"It's fine. It's whatever. We'll be fine," Buffy said, but she didn't really sound like she meant it.

"It'll be okay," Jonah said, and sent her one of his dazzling smiles, showing off those dimples. Cyrus looked at him. He remembered when Jonah would send him one of those smiles, and his whole body would flutter. Getting over the crush was good, even if Jonah was still very cute.

The subject of Kira and then stories from Jonah's frisbee camp got them all through lunch. Cyrus had just decided that things were looking up, when Buffy pulled out her phone to read a text, and smiled to herself. Andi froze, looking at her. Buffy was even playing absentmindedly with a lock of her hair. Oh no.

"I gotta... go," Andi said, getting up and rushing away with her tray. Jonah and Cyrus exchanged looks, and Jonah stood up.

"I'll go see if she's okay," he said, nodding at them before following Andi. Cyrus sighed and placed his head in his hands.

* * *

He was meeting Buffy at the Spoon, and smiled when he saw Amber. "Hi Cyrus," she greeted, "the usual?"

"Yes please," he said, sliding into the booth by the window, "Oh, and a strawberry milkshake for Buffy as well."

Amber's smile fell slightly. "Andi isn't joining?"

"No," Cyrus replied, trying to hide the frustration from his face.

"Oh right, she is going to the Red Rooster with Jonah," Amber said, like it was totally normal that she knew exactly what Andi was up to. Cyrus couldn't help but be surprised and a little jealous. Extensive knowledge of each other's whereabouts was a Good Hair Crew thing. Apparently it was also an Andi and Amber thing now.

"Yeah," he just replied.

"We're hanging out on Wednesday, right?" Amber asked. Cyrus smiled and nodded. He really liked talking to Amber and helping her. Buffy walked through the door with Walker behind her, and Cyrus fought the urge to sigh. Amber sent him a look, before smiling overly sweet to Walker and Buffy.

It wasn't that Cyrus didn't enjoy Walker's company, because he did. It was just that it reminded him of the awkwardness, and that made him a little sad.

* * *

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 4 at 5:06 PM

SUBJECT: Dealing with friends

Heeey "Chad"

Is it weird I still use the air quotes? Would it be more normal if I just called you Chad? I mean, I assume it isn't your actual name, just like mine isn't Bambi (shocking, I know). You were the one who used the air quotes in the first place, so maybe you like them? I don't even what I am asking, if I am being honest.

Do you mind if I rant a little bit? You can skip this paragraph if you don't care. I am just very frustrated with my two best friends. They are also best friends obviously, but since summer things have been super awkward because one of them went on ONE date with a guy MONTHS ago, but then got together with That Guy (y'know, Mr. Gay Realization) and now my other best friend is kinda sort of seeing One Date Guy? Or just texting him and hanging out with him? I don't know what is going on, because I don't understand straight relationships. Even when I was in one, I was never sure I picked up on her signals correctly. Anyway, things are now weird and neither of them know what to say and I hate being in the middle of it. Sorry for unloading it all on you.

In other news, my mom found some more of my baby clothes and almost started crying. She was all "my little baby" and I said "Mom, I am a man now". It made her laugh really hard, which was mildly insulting, even if it was my plan all along.

How was your day? See any cute boys in the halls lately?

\- Bambi, a grown ass man.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 4 at 8:09 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Dealing with friends

Bambi,

You can call me whatever you like. I am honestly not sure why I chose "Chad". I guess it sounded generic?

That sounds really frustrating. I don't understand the straight drama either. I am sorry you are trapped between them - hopefully soon they will have a proper girl talk and solve it all. You can always rant to me, if you need it. I am here <3

Today was so-so. I mentioned having a class I don't like? It's not magically changed after summer, so I am a bit grumpy about that. My sister was trying to cheer me up yesterday, and, I am not joking, she sent me the damn jonas brothers video, like "_It's the girl you like_". I laughed really hard, and then she asked me who I liked now, since not her anymore. I just panicked and said the havana girl and now she keeps singing that song to me. Save me from this fake-straight hell!

You and your mom sound adorable!

\- C

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, friends! I hope you like it so far. I had way too much fun writing their emails. 
> 
> All the credit for the code to make emails goes to [La_Temperanza](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/A_Guide_to_Coding_and_Fanworks/works/7953412). I also wanna thanks [otterly_random](https://otterlyrandom.tumblr.com/) for helping me actually understand the guide (she seriously had to dumb it down for me, im so bad at coding) 
> 
> Let me know if you spot any mistakes, because I am just a Danish girl, attempting the English.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left kudos, bookmarked and commented on the first chapter!! You are all to sweet!!! I love you all!! This chapter turned out to be mostly emails - remember they are scroll-able. Don't miss out on the bants :P

Tuesday afternoon they were sitting at the Spoon. Cyrus was doing tater-theater while they waited for Buffy, who had basketball practice. Andi kept glancing at her phone, but was otherwise paying attention. Jonah seemed genuinely amused by Cyrus rendition of _Camp Rock_, which Cyrus found flattering. He knew his tater-theater was quite silly.

"Can you make me a bird house?" Cyrus mimicked. Jonah chuckled.

Buffy stomped in, and practically threw herself down next to Cyrus. She groaned loudly, before stuffing all the baby taters, not currently doing theater, into her mouth.

"What's wrong?" Andi asked.

"You remember the captain of the basketball team? Toxic TJ?" Buffy asked. Cyrus noticed her lips quivering slightly. Wow she was angry.

"The guy who basically bullied you off the team?" Andi's eyes were big with concern.

"Yep," Buffy said, before sighing, "I have to be his math tutor."

"What?" Andi nearly dropped her phone.

"I really don't wanna do it," Buffy sighed deeply, "I really don't care if he is kicked off the basketball team."

"Yeah, he had it coming," Jonah said. The others looked at him and he shrugged.

"Jonah Beck saying it like it _iiiis_!" Cyrus said in a sing-song voice. The others laughed, even Buffy. Cyrus wrapped his arm around her shoulder and squeezed her. She leaned against him and sighed.

"This is going to be horrible," she said, placing her head on Cyrus' shoulder, "he hates me just as much as I hate him."

"That's because he is an idiot, who doesn't realize you are the absolute best," Cyrus said.

"Cyrus is right," Andi said, looking at Buffy with warm eyes, "you truly are an amazing person and friend."

Cyrus and Jonah exchanged looks, and suddenly Jonah was on his feet. "I need another milkshake."

"Get more baby taters!" Cyrus called after him, trapped behind Buffy and unable to leave the two girls to have a chat they really needed. Buffy sat up, and Cyrus removed his hand from her shoulder. He fished out a book for English class and started reading it, just for something to do.

"Thanks Andi," Buffy said, her voice low, like she was worried about what Andi would think. Cyrus focused hard on the words in front of him, trying to tune them out. After who knows how long, Buffy cleared her throat.

"Cyrus, you can look up now," she said, and when he lifted his head, he could see she was grinning at him.

"I wanted to give you privacy," he said.

"Thanks," Buffy said, and leaned against him again. Jonah returned with Amber behind him, carrying their order of more baby taters.

"Wanna talk more about TJ, or can I change the subject?" Andi asked, an excited smile on her lips. Buffy nodded and Andi's smile grew even wider. "My parents set a date for their wedding! Or, I guess Cece set the date."

"Oh my God, that is amazing!" Cyrus cried.

"Yes! You are all invited of course!" she beamed. They all cheered, and lifted their milkshakes.

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 1:31 PM

SUBJECT: Help!

Bambi, I am sorry for writing you in the middle of school, but I am having the shittiest day today and I could really use some cheering up. You always say something that help me. I don't know how you do it. I am not gonna get into what happened today, but I got some really crappy news and have to endure some really annoying stuff.

Please write back

C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 5:16 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Help!

C,

I am sorry you had a crappy day. I am also sorry I didn't see your email until now. I hope you got through the rest of the school day in an okay fashion.

I am not sure what to say to cheer you up. Hmmm. I can tell you some of my stuff? Because, oh boy do I have stuff! I once threw up in my shoe after riding a merry-go-round. I get nauseated very easily. VERY.  
Oh, another thing! I have been trying to get a chocolate chocolate chip muffin every damn day this school year and I never get one!! I don't know why the Chocolate Gods have forsaken me so, but it makes me crave the muffins even more. It's so dumb!!!

If your day still sucks, a thing that always cheers me up is going swinging. I know, I know. But it just does. You could always try it. :)

My day was pretty good. Although we are seeing family this weekend and that means older relatives asking about me having a girlfriend. Seriously, being best friends with two girls just confuse the elderly of the family. They are always asking "Is she your girlfriend?" whenever I mention one of them and I say "no, she is just my friend." It's practically tradition by now. Sometimes I wonder if my parents have realized by now. I mean. I deflect that question a LOT. Wait, sorry, this is a cheering up email. Not a sad gay stuff email!

Ummm... Did you know that the first dinosaur to be formally named was the Megalosaurus? Or that pterodactyls weren't actually dinosaurs, but flying reptiles?

\- Bambi.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 6:10 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Help!

Thank you, Bambi. That did help! You are pretty good at making me smile. Also you just taught me two dinosaur facts AND the proper use of nauseated. Huh. I guess I always used that wrong.

I am glad your day was better. I guess this secret-keeping is bringing me down a bit too. I hate that there are things that make me different than others, that people can judge me for, without even knowing me. Talking to you helps. I get angry easily but reading your emails always calms me down. Even rereading old ones.

You threw up in a shoe?? I am sorry for laughing! I really like that you'll tell me such an embarrassing detail about yourself just like that! :))))

Chocolate chocolate chip muffins, huh? I think maybe my mom bought some of those yesterday. Hopefully my sister haven't eaten them all....  
So, if I wanna meet you, I should just look at the line in front of the muffins and see who looks the saddest when they don't get one? (I'm joking, I wouldn't look for you like that).

I am sorry about your relatives! I mentioned a girl from class, I don't like last week, and my parents exchanged That Look, y'know, the _oooh he secretly likes her_ and I just wanted to be like IM GAAAAY.

\- C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 8:02 PM

SUBJECT: Chocolate chocolate chip muffins

C,

I know how you feel about the frustrations over being judged for things like that. Not only am I gay, I am also jewish, and that also comes with a whole lot of judgment. It's so annoying! Please judge me for my whimsical personality, my fear of everything and feel free to be jealous of my amazing hair, but don't judge my ancestry, religion and sexuality. Thaaaaanks!

I am so glad I help you! I love to help :) especially you!

You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you all the stuff that happens to me. If you feel like telling me something embarrassing about yourself, then I would feel a little better about my own never ending cycle :)  
Yes, chocolate chocolate chip muffins! I never get one! It's like they know I am coming and disappear when they see me!!!! PLEASE SEND ME THE ONES YOUR SISTER HAVEN'T EATEN!  
(I am glad you are joking. I think this works better as long as we are anonymous, and I would really hate to ruin this!!)

Oh That Look. I hate it. Like, even if you were straight, I hate that dislike is supposed to mean secretly into. What is wrong with straight people, honestly...

Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 date at 8:52 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Chocolate chocolate chip muffins

ATTACHED:  chocolate_muffin.jpg (70 KB) 

Bambi,

I personally like a bit of whimsicalness :))))  
I am so glad you get it! It's so tough to deal with all of this. I don't wanna have to come out. I just wanna be out already and have it not be a big deal!

I totally agree about being anonymous, I guess my curiosity just got control of my typing! I sent you a picture, does that help? :)))))) ;) ;)

Straight people.... sigh

C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 9:30 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Chocolate chocolate chip muffins

Dearest C,

Thank you SO MUCH for that picture of the muffins, now I just want them even more!!!!!! :(((((((

Love, Bambi

PS: yes to the just being out and it being normal thing!!!!!!! I get it!

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 10 at 10:16 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Chocolate chocolate chip muffins

Anytime :P

Love, C

* * *

Cyrus was in a good mood Thursday morning. He had a good afternoon with Amber the day before, where she talked about how much better her family was doing, and then they watched Mean Girls. When Janice said Damian was almost too gay to function, he had briefly considered saying _same _or _that me_, but decided against it. One of these days he was going to end up accidentally outing himself just to make a dumb joke. He figured telling his parents and Jonah came before telling Amber. Still, they got along really well recently, maybe Andi was making Amber nicer? Who knew. Also it seemed like Andi and Buffy were slowly getting back to normal again.

He walked with Andi and Buffy into the school, chatting a little about their days. Buffy said Mr. Coleman, her math teacher, wanted to talk to her again about the tutoring. Cyrus looked at the way she slouched her shoulders and furrowed her brows. He hated how troubled she looked. He wished he could make all her worries go away, but it was hard with Buffy. She still hated showing weakness.

As they walked down the hall, they managed to cheer Buffy up enough to make her laugh and make a little fun of them. Then Jonah walked up to them, smiling widely. "Hi!" he greeted, before looking directly at Cyrus and handing him something. A chocolate chocolate chip muffin.

"I heard you wanted one of these," he said and his smile grew even wider as he locked eyes with Cyrus. _What on earth was happening?! _Cyrus felt like all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Jonah. The muffin. He... _Jonah couldn't be C!! _Right? Could he? How else would...

Cyrus took the muffin with shaking fingers, sucking in a breath when he brushed against Jonah's fingers. "Thank you..." he finally got out.

"Anytime, Cy-guy," Jonah said.

"That was so sweet of you," Andi said, and Jonah shrugged. Cyrus looked at the muffin in his hand, smiling to himself before taking a bite. The muffin tasted just as divine and chocolate-y as he had hoped. As the four of them continued down the hall, Cyrus kept glancing at Jonah in between bites. Twice, their eyes met and Cyrus felt himself blush a little.

Could Jonah Beck be gay? Could he be the person who Cyrus had been emailing, making laugh and telling stories about himself? He had mentioned the merry-go-round two days ago!!! What if he had revealed himself, and Jonah had taken this as a way to reveal he was C?

Cyrus' mind was a turmoil throughout his classes and he hardly registered walking into the cafeteria, until they were sitting all four at lunch. Cyrus was unable to stop staring at Jonah now, and he remembered all his old feelings. Jonah, who smiled so genuinely, and made sad puppy eyes whenever he was confused. Who laughed at Cyrus whimsicalness, but never in a mocking way.

Jonah laughed at something Andi said, leaning into her. Then, he looked at Cyrus, and as their eyes met, Cyrus felt time freeze. Jonah. Beck. Wow.

* * *

When he came home, he quickly pulled up the email account and started reading through the old emails. It was hard to tell if it could be Jonah or not, until he reached the part about C never having a girlfriend or never having kissed anyone. Sure, he could have been lying, but that would be weird given the whole premise of the emails was honesty.

Cyrus felt his heart sink and he leaned back in his chair. C wasn't Jonah. It would have been kind of poetic if he was, but clearly not. Cyrus looked up at the ceiling. In a way he was relieved. C being a person he knew already was kind of terrifying. It was much nicer to think that he had a secret friend somewhere, someone who understood what he was going through and let him talk about it freely. It didn't matter that they maybe didn't have anything else in common, because they weren't going to be friends in the real world.

So, even though Jonah Beck was adorable, it was actually a good thing he wasn't C. _Huh_, Cyrus thought, _I really am over the crush. Even if I remember the feelings vividly_.

* * *

Buffy called him later that day. "TJ kind of apologized to me today," she said, like she was admitting doing something bad.

"Oh," Cyrus said, "what happened?"

"Well the tutoring hasn't been working out. He doesn't do things, he just sits and stares. So I just started doing my homework next to him. I guess it finally worked, because today he showed up and said _Buffy I am sorry. I should have passed you the ball._"

"Wow. He must be really desperate," Cyrus said dryly. He could hear Buffy sigh deeply.

"That's what I thought," she said, "but if this makes tutoring less awkward, then I am all for it. Besides, I am tired of drama and tired of being mad at TJ."

"Like I said earlier, you are a very good and generous person. What did the world do, to deserve you?" Cyrus said.

"I still think the world is paying off that debt," Buffy joked. Cyrus laughed. After a moment she added: "I haven't forgiven him, but it was nice to hear."

"That's good. I hope you can put it behind you eventually," Cyrus said earnestly, "you didn't deserve it."

"Thanks," she said. 

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 13 at 4:41 PM

SUBJECT: Swinging

Hey Chocolate chocolate chip muffin!

My sister continues to tease me with the havana song. What have I done??

I hope you had a nice week. Mine was kind of weird. Yesterday I was really upset about something, and I took your advice and went to the playground. There were no little kids, so I could swing all by myself. It actually helped. I swung as high as I could, and jumped off and afterwards I felt so much lighter. I want to know how you do it? How you know things that will cheer me up and make me feel better, even though we've never met. Clearly you must have some kind of superpower :)))))

I just wanted to tell you that I guess.

C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 13 at 5:24 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swinging

My dearest Chadrick,

Ahahaha, I am sorry your sister is putting you through that. At least it's not a bad song, so you aren't suffering too bad. If you're not careful she'll start playing senorita as well. (Shawn Mendes is cute tho, so..)

My week was pretty good, yeah. The friend drama seems to be fading slowly. Also I got a muffin, FINALLY. (I got help, ssshhhh). I am so glad it helped you to go swinging! It's oddly liberating, exciting even. Plus it takes you back to a simpler time. I don't swing very high (it's part of my stuff). But I am glad you did and it helped you! I don't have any superpowers. Unless losing your shoe really often counts? :)

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better!

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 13 at 10:45 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swinging

Chadrick?? You crack me up!

Oooh true, he has a good face. Maybe I should let her send me that video. I am glad your drama is getting smaller, I hope mine will soon too, although it seems like I have some work ahead of me. OOOH a muffin, and here I was imagining myself getting you that muffin one day. I am glad you got help.  
You never swing high? Does that mean you've never had an underdog?? Because that is a mistake that needs fixing!  
So, you keep mentioning things you aren't good at. Surely there must be something you are good at (aside from making my days infinitely better)?

You mentioned you'd feel better if I told you some of my weaknesses. I am.... ridiculously scared of spiders. I have to get my sister to remove them for me. It's SO embarrassing. I have to bribe her with favors and candy to keep her from telling people. I think you're the first person I've told it too.

\- C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 14 at 9:38 AM

SUBJECT: Scary spiders

I really hope your things gets better too!!! I have _not _tried an underdog and I don't plan on it. I just wanna swing quietly and sing my song.  
First of all, you are making me blush into my screen with those compliments. Second, I am actually really good at ping-pong. Like, I could beat you, probably (unless you are a superstar ofc).  
Spiders ARE scary. I get my friends or my step-dad to remove them. Mom's also scared. Not sure if my dad or my step-mom are scared of them, I only remember seeing them at Mom's house... hmmm... Anyway, I am flattered you told me!! Now I just need you to tell me something you're good at, so we're even.

\- Bambi.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 14 at 11:07 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Scary spiders

One day, Bambi, you will try an underdog :) What song do you sing? Now I am curious.

You deserve every compliment here. Ooooh ping-pong, how cool! Hmm, something I am good at? I can play piano. My mom's a piano teacher, so... :)  
We get a lot of spiders. I miss our old cat, who used to hunt them. My sister is begging mom for a new one, but none of us have time for a cat, and for a while we really had to save money, so I think we all try not to add too many expenses.

Huh. That was another thing I never really tell people. You sure you don't have a superpower? ;)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried including the swings anyway. I can't help myself! :D  
Thanks for reading! Tell me if you spot a mistake, so I can fix it and sleep better at night lol. 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Let me know what you think!! What is going on with "Chad"?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this is a long one.  
tw: panic attack.

Two more weeks passed without much drama. Cyrus had switched to a dance class, which he wasn't very good at. Andi and Jonah were good at being just friends, ultimate was going well for Jonah, and Cyrus and Chad kept emailing. They talked of silly things and the more serious stuff. Chad was becoming a real friend, and Cyrus was starting to really care about him. The only thing close to dramatic was when Buffy suddenly dropped the bomb that she had stopped seeing Walker. Cyrus didn't want to be relieved, because she seemed like she liked him, but if it could bring Buffy and Andi completely back on track, he was all for it!

"Why?" he asked.

"I hope it isn't because of me!" Andi said, before Buffy could reply. "I would hate that."

"Don't worry, it wasn't that," Buffy said, and then she grimaced, "he made me shoes..."

"_Ewwww_, it's a move," Andi said, stepping forward and placing a hand on Buffy's arm.

"He had just started talking about a dance at school, so I stopped it before he could ask me," Buffy said.

"Oh my God, imagine going to the dance and then other girls are wearing the shoes." Andi pulled a disgusted face and Buffy shuddered. Cyrus glanced at Jonah, who looked at him in a _do you know what they are talking about? _way. Cyrus shrugged, and they both suppressed a laugh.

"You are such guys," Buffy said to them, and then she and Andi started giggling, and walked away hand in hand.

"Can't argue with that," Jonah grinned and clapped Cyrus on the shoulder as they followed the two girls. Cyrus hoped Walker was okay, he seemed like a nice guy.

* * *

Friday, on their way to lunch, Buffy intertwined her arm with Cyrus' and sighed. "I have a weird problem."

"What is it?" Cyrus asked, already very curious.

"TJ keeps asking Kira to tag along to the tutoring," Buffy's voice was low, "she shows up all the time."

"That's... weird indeed," Cyrus said, "I didn't even know they were friends."

"I don't know what they are," Buffy whispered, "he looks really nervous around her."

"What a couple." Cyrus stuck out his tongue in disgust and Buffy laughed.

"They deserve each other," she said with a smirk, "I hope they live miserably ever after."

Cyrus laughed, clutching her tightly. They got their food and joined Andi and Jonah at their table. "How is tutoring going, in general?" Cyrus asked.

"Not good, he seems to be guessing most of the time and he gets mad easily," Buffy answered, "Last time he ran away for a while. Kira was with him when he came back. At first I thought he just didn't want to do it, but now I am wondering if he genuinely can't."

"Sounds difficult," Andi said, sending Buffy a comforting smile.

"Last night I googled ways to tutor people who struggles with math, and I found this thing," Buffy glanced around nervously and lowered her voice, "it's called dyscalculia. It's dyslexia but with numbers."

"Oh," was all Cyrus could say.

"It kind of sounds like what he has, but I don't really know how to ask him."

"It's weird that his teacher hasn't thought of it," Andi said, "aren't they supposed to notice that kind of stuff?"

"Like I said, he has a pretty hostile attitude, so maybe Coleman just thought he didn't want to try properly." Buffy shrugged. 

* * *

It was Saturday morning, and Cyrus was having a milkshake with Buffy, before he was meeting Jonah and the Space Otters. They were playing a game and Cyrus felt like he had been neglecting his superfan duties. His vest was lying next to him on the seat of the booth. His chocolate milkshake was divine as always, and the baby taters were freshly made and extra delicious.

Buffy was fiddling with her straw. She was meeting TJ for tutoring at the Spoon, and Cyrus really hoped she had succeeded in making it clear Kira wasn't invited. But since TJ was a dumb guy, there was no way to be sure about that. Her eyes were fixated on the door behind him. They had discussed how Buffy should break the dyscalculia thing to TJ at length, and Cyrus wished he could be more moral support for her.

"I am excited for Bex and Bowie's wedding!" Cyrus said, trying to cheer up Buffy, "I love weddings, people wear nice clothes, the food is good."

"True," Buffy grinned, "I will have to find a nice dress."

"Yeah," Cyrus nodded, "a new suit wouldn't be so bad."

"Do you think Cece lets Andi bring a date?" Buffy asked.

"More importantly - would she let _us_?" Cyrus leaned forward to drink more milkshake.

"Who would you bring?" Buffy asked, a playful smile on her lips.

"I don't know," Cyrus shrugged, "but I'd work something out. What about you?"

"No one," Buffy said, popping a baby tater into her mouth and grinning smugly. Cyrus rolled his eyes at her. Her smile fell, and then footsteps approached them. Cyrus looked up and there he was, TJ Kippen, towering over them. He was wearing a blue hoodie and there was a lot of gel in his hair, holding it into a quiff.

"You ready?" he asked Buffy, clearly not happy with her sitting there and having a good time. Cyrus felt very protective of Buffy, even if she was much better at handling herself than he was.

"In a minute," she replied, and her tone said _no discussion_. Cyrus glanced up at TJ to see his reaction. He was scowling a little. Then, he turned his head and looked directly at Cyrus, who blinked in surprise. Yikes. Could mean jocks smell the insecurity on you? TJ seemed like the type, who would look at you and immediately know what to say to make you feel terrible.

Cyrus offered him a cautious smile. _I'm innocent, don't pay attention to me_. TJ narrowed his eyes slightly, before looking back at Buffy, who was finishing her milkshake loudly. Cyrus grabbed two more baby taters, quickly ate them, and then picked up his vest.

"I'm gonna head to the frisbee game," he said, "talk to you later," he told Buffy, and then he looked back up at TJ and politely said "nice to meet you." Then he rushed out of the Spoon.

He texted Buffy, apologizing for his quick exit. She responded no worries, she could handle TJ.

* * *

The team was busy warming up. Jonah waved at Cyrus as he walked along the side of the field, and he waved back excitedly. It really had been too long since last time. Andi and Amber where at the game as well. They were giggling, leaning into each other as Cyrus stopped next to them. "Hey," he said.

"Hi," Amber smiled at him. Andi got up and pulled him into a hug. Cyrus sighed happily, Andi was the best hugger.

"I didn't know you guys were coming," Cyrus said, while he started sorting through the items in his vest. It didn't seem like sunscreen would be needed today. He could always insist on it, if the sun broke out later.

"It was an impulsive decision," Andi said, locking eyes with Amber, and then they both started giggling again. Cyrus shrugged, he was clearly missing a joke. He started setting up the team's water bottles, making sure there was plenty for all of them.

The game started and Cyrus was in full support mode, so he didn't pay much attention to the two other girls, accept when the team scored points and all three of them would cheer loudly. It felt nice and easy to be back in this role, that he had created for himself. Cyrus thought back to when he had started it, unaware of _why _he wanted to be around Jonah so much. He had just cared so much about this, about supporting and being needed by Jonah.

Jonah scored another point (or whatever, Cyrus still knew nothing about sports) and all three of them cheered loudly. Andi and Amber were standing up and clapping. Cyrus suddenly felt the urge to laugh out loud. All three of them had been really into Jonah, and jealous of one of the other two. It was kind of funny. He wanted to mention it to the others, but that meant coming out to Amber and Cyrus wasn't ready for that yet. She wasn't on his list of people to come out to, and he wanted to start with the people on the list.

The Space Otters won with a small lead, and Cyrus, Amber and Andi ran over to Jonah. "Congratulations!" they all yelled, and then they tackled him into a big group hug.

"Thanks guys!" Jonah said, grinning widely. He turned to Cyrus and added, "thanks for the help. You really are the best!"

Cyrus grinned back. He really was so thankful him and Jonah had found a solid friendship through all of this. "I have been slacking in my superfan duties, but I will be resuming them again." It was true, he had forgotten how much he liked supporting the Space Otters. It felt like he made a bigger impact, compared to the basketball games, where there was a whole crowd. Not that Cyrus didn't love supporting Buffy. This was just different.

"It's fine, you've been busy," Jonah said, "but I am glad you are back."

"You don't get rid of me that easy," Cyrus smiled. Jonah needed to talk a bit to the team, so Amber and Andi helped Cyrus clean up.

"How's the dance class going?" Andi asked suddenly, like she just remembered. Cyrus grimaced and flailed his arms around a bit. Both girls laughed.

"You taking a dance class?" Amber asked curiously.

"I could do it instead of PE." Cyrus answered, smiling sheepishly, "turns out I am also a terrible dancer. So, it didn't really help much."

"I can help you if you want?" Amber offered, "you've helped me so much."

Cyrus glanced at Andi, who looked surprised, and a little proud. "That would be great. I do have to warn you, I have horrible coordination and no stamina."

"I like challenges," Amber smiled wickedly, "it makes it feel so much better when I succeed."

Andi laughed and bumped her shoulder against Ambers. Cyrus grinned at them. This had been fun - he was hoping Buffy wasn't having a terrible time tutoring TJ.

"I'll text you about the dancing," Amber said, getting ready to leave.

"Great, thank you," Cyrus said, "see you later."

"I'll text you later, maybe we can go to Buffy's tonight?" Andi asked. Cyrus nodded and she beamed. "See you!" she said and then she rushed after Amber, interlocking their arms.

"Them being friends is still so weird," Jonah said, appearing next to Cyrus. "Don't get me wrong, it's great. It's just also weird."

"I agree, JB," Cyrus said, and clapped Jonah on the arm.

"I am glad I am not the only one - don't wanna be the bad ex-boyfriend," Jonah said, pulling a face.

"You aren't," Cyrus told him earnestly, "you are actually very cool around them both."

"I try," Jonah did his shrug-and-smile move. Cyrus clapped the pockets in the vest, making certain he had everything.

"We might hang out at Buffy's later, if you have time?" Cyrus mentioned.

"That would be great, I just need to do some stuff at home first. Maybe change out of this shirt?" Jonah said.

"Great, I'll walk with you," Cyrus said, and then they made their way towards Jonah's house. Jonah was excited about the game, analyzing what had happened and what he wanted for the team. Cyrus listened and nodded, replying once or twice, when Jonah seemed like he needed reassurance. "You are aware I know nothing about sports, right?" Cyrus asked after some time.

"Right, sorry," Jonah said, "I'll talk about something else."

"No no, I just can't give you much qualified feedback," he said with a laugh.

"I think I have talked enough about frisbee anyway," Jonah said, putting his hands in his pockets, "what's going on with you?"

"Uh." Cyrus looked at his feet. "Let me see. Amber is going to help me with dancing. I ran up some stairs two steps at a time yesterday. Oh, and I'm gay."

The words slipped out all on their own and Cyrus covered his mouth with his hand in shock. He looked up at Jonah. His heart was hammering so hard and fast, he thought he might be having a heart attack. He felt drops of sweat appear on his forehead. _Shit_. Jonah looked at him, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Yeah?" he asked. Cyrus nodded. "Ah, cool."

_That was it? Cool?? _Cyrus looked back at his feet, wondering if this had really just happened? Jonah wasn't running away, he was still there. But he didn't say much else as they continued to walk. Cyrus was dying to ask him what he thought, but he was also scared. Then, he felt Jonah wrap an arm around his shoulder and give him a squeeze.

"That couldn't have been easy," Jonah said, and Cyrus looked up. Jonah's eyes were gleaming mischievously. "Running up the stairs two steps at a time."

They both started laughing, and Cyrus poked Jonah in the ribs. "Rude!" he said, and then they laughed more. Jonah squeezed him again, and Cyrus suddenly felt like everything was going to be okay. He had come out again! In fact, he had said the word _gay_ out loud about himself! He was very excited to write C and tell him about it. He was going to laugh when he found out Cyrus had told That Guy, but more importantly, he was going to be proud of Cyrus.

"It's the first time I used that word out loud," Cyrus said, after they had walked a bit more.

"Wow, I'm honored," Jonah said, then after a moment he asked: "who else knows?"

"Andi and Buffy," Cyrus replied, "I am still working up the courage to tell my parents."

Jonah smiled wide and genuine, "I'm the third person? Wow." _In a way you are the fourth_, Cyrus thought to himself, as he returned Jonah's smile.

They parted ways when they reached Jonah's street. Cyrus considered going home, but he was feeling all jittery and restless. He could tell his mom today too? He could rush home, burst into the kitchen and say "Mom, I am gay". Just the thought made him start sweating again. Yeah, nope. One coming out for the day had to be enough. He turned around and walked towards the park. He stopped by the swings, smiling to himself. He sat down and slowly started swinging at his usual height.

He thought about C, about him sitting there on the swing, following Cyrus' advice. It felt nice to know he had helped. He was surprised, by how much he was beginning to care about C, who was clearly going through some things. Cyrus thought about meeting him one day. A small part of him wanted to meet as soon as possible. However, it was a scary thought. "Chad" would compliment him sometimes, so Cyrus was certain, he was going to be a disappointment compared to whatever C had in his head by now. Plus, their friendship worked, because they didn't know each other! Although Cyrus wasn't convinced it would continue to work. One day one of them was going to be too curious. One day, they would meet.

He shook his head, there was no need to worry now. It worked and that was the important part. He leaned back, holding tightly onto the chain, and slowly he started swinging higher and higher. It felt exhilarating and scary and amazing. He was probably not swinging as high as C had, but that didn't matter. He was swinging higher than he ever had before. _Thank you, C!_

The swing slowed down and Cyrus dragged his feet on the ground. He was unable to stop smiling. He told Jonah! He used the word _gay_! He swung high! He felt his heart swell. Chad was a big part of this. In one moment Cyrus felt completely ready to meet him in person and hug him and tell him about all he had done for him.

* * *

They were hanging out in Buffy's living room, sitting on the floor, with three boxes of pizza leftovers in front of them. Cyrus was very full and very content. Buffy and Jonah were throwing pieces of pizza crust into each other's mouths. Andi was sitting against Cyrus, with her head on his shoulder. She was nibbling halfheartedly on a piece of pizza and Cyrus seriously doubted she was going to finish it.

"You guys are kind of lame, in your own sporty way," Andi said fondly. Buffy responded by throwing a piece of crust at her, but it hit Cyrus on the nose.

"Woops," Buffy said, grinning smugly.

"That's homophobic," Cyrus deadpanned, before he could stop himself. Buffy's jaw dropped, Andi lifted her head to look at him, and Jonah looked at him with those confused and sad puppy eyes. "I'm joking," Cyrus said slowly. He could feel the relief coming off all three of them. Then Andi snapped her head to look at Jonah.

"Did you know?" she asked warily, and Jonah responded with a smile.

"I told him this afternoon," Cyrus said. Andi wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"You cool with it?" Buffy asked Jonah, sounding very protective already.

"Of course," Jonah said.

"Good," Buffy smiled, visibly relieved.

"I just wanna warn you," Cyrus said, "I'm gonna start making jokes about it."

"So every time we do something you don't like, you are going to say it's homophobic?" Buffy asked, arms crossed and an amused smile on her lips.

"Obviously," Cyrus said, breaking into a wide grin.

"Cyrus," Andi said fondly, shaking her head and hugging him again.

They decided to play twister. Or, Jonah and Buffy decided to play twister. Andi and Cyrus let them. Before they could start, Jonah's phone rang and he left the room to answer it. Buffy insisted on Andi playing with her until he came back, so Cyrus got to control the spinning thing. Buffy was obviously much better than Andi, but Andi did pretty good.

"Did you tell him about last year?" Andi asked, when she was standing in a somewhat easy position.

"No, and I don't plan too," Cyrus said, spinning the thing again.

"Probably - a - good - idea," Buffy said. She was in a more complicated position, with her head upside down.

"Although with Jonah Beck, I never know what to expect," Cyrus said, "left foot blue."

"Noooo!" Andi said, trying to spin herself and ending up slipping.

"YES!" Buffy cheered.

They played another game, and then Cyrus decided he wanted some water. He got up and walked to the kitchen. Jonah was leaning over a chair, breathing fast and shallow breaths. _Oh shit! _Cyrus threw himself forward, placing a hand on each of Jonah's arms.

"You're okay," he said, "you know what this is. It's a panic attack. It will _end_!" Jonah shook his head frantically, still struggling for breath. "_Yes _it will!" Cyrus insisted.

Jonah was still looking down, and his chest was heaving. "I'm here, I'm here." Cyrus said over and over, while maneuvering Jonah onto the chair in a sitting position. "You'll be okay."

"_Cyrus_," Jonah finally got out, as his breath began to even out and become less frantic. Cyrus squeezed his arms tighter.

"Shh, it's fine. Focus on breathing slowly and deeply." Eventually Jonah's breathing became more normal, and he visibly relaxed. "You're okay."

"Thank you," Jonah said earnestly, "that was a bad one."

"It's over now. I know twister against Buffy is scary." Cyrus tried joking, and luckily Jonah responded with a little laugh. After squeezing him one more time, Cyrus got up and poured them both a glass of water. He handed one to Jonah, and sat down on the chair next to him.

"I wish you could be there every time it happened," Jonah said, "but I guess that would be very fun for you. _Oh_, I am sorry. That's a horrible thing to say."

"It's not," Cyrus said, "I'm flattered. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me."

Jonah smiled, but it was different than his usual bright and dimple-y smile. It was quieter, more soft. Cyrus had never seen him smile like that. "I never knew how much I needed a friend like you," Jonah said, and the vulnerability in his eyes and tone was almost too much, Cyrus could feel tears begin to sting in his eyes.

"Likewise, JB," he said, putting down his glass and leaning forward, pulling Jonah into a hug. Jonah held onto him tightly.

"Thank you," Jonah whispered again.

"Anytime," Cyrus said. After another moment, he let go. "Wanna go back to the others?"

"Yeah. Time to beat Buffy at twister," Jonah replied and Cyrus chuckled.

"Good luck with that."

Later that night Bowie picked up Andi, and offered to drive the rest of them home too. Cyrus had already texted his dad, so he declined the invitation, but Jonah accepted. Buffy and Cyrus watched them from the door.

"Oh, I totally forgot! How did it go with TJ?" Cyrus asked, feeling guilty for not remembering.

"It went as expected," Buffy sighed, "he got defensive and wouldn't listen at first. But I think I managed to get through to him in the end. He said he would think it over at least. Hopefully he'll agree to getting a test."

"He's lucky to have you," Cyrus said. Buffy smiled. "Oh, and no Kira?"

"_Thank God_," Buffy said, "I don't think I could have mentioned it in front of her."

"Also she's mean and not fun to be around," Cyrus added.

"That too," Buffy laughed.

* * *

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 28 at 2:30 PM

SUBJECT: I DID IT

Chad! I came out to That Guy! He responded 'cool'. Because that is the type of person he is. I couldn't have done it without you, so thanks! <3 I'm going to meet my friends now, I just really wanted to tell you!!

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 28 5:05 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I DID IT

Bambi!! Oh my God, now you have told three people???!!! You are unbelievable <3 I am so so so proud of you!!! I wish I was anywhere near as brave as you! Gah, I am so happy for you I haven't been able to sit still for several minutes.

'cool'? Well, I guess he is right. Being gay is very cool, in fact I don't think anything else is even remotely as cool.

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 28 at 11:05 PM

SUBJECT: Being gay is very cool

I'm still so psyched. It actually just slipped out by accident, I guess because I've been thinking about doing it for a while. I am not going to tell him about the crush though, I don't think that telling him will accomplish anything. Maybe one day, when we are 50, I can be like "yo btw your smile made me realize im gay' and we can laugh about it.

OOOH I have something else to tell you! I went to the swings, and I made myself swing higher than I ever had before. It's all because of you!! I never would have dared to do that if it wasn't for these emails. I never would have dared to say the word 'gay' out loud either. So thank you, C! Thank you!! <3

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 29 9.17 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Being gay is very cool

Hahaha, that would be pretty funny. I agree, no need to tell him about it. Although he should just be flattered someone as awesome as you liked him ;)

My sister was gone most of the day yesterday, and she came back all excited because she spent so much time with one of her new friends. It's so great she has met nicer people, because some of her high school friends are the worst, but I kinda miss her. She is always texting or calling her friend. But yesterday she came back, brought her laptop into my room, and then we just watched netflix and talked, just the two of us. It was so great. I can't image she would be anything less than supportive of me being gay, but I couldn't say anything. I guess I wanted more of 'old times' before I completely changed her view of me as a person.

Wow, you did?? I am so proud of you! See, you'll be ready for an underdog in no time :P Did you sing your song? I still really wanna hear it. I should be the one thanking you - these emails are really keeping me grounded these days. I am very happy I get to give a little bit back from all the help you give me.

Love, C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 29 at 1:40 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Being gay is very cool

I'm legit blushing at my screen, C. Oh my gosh!

Awww yay, that sounds like a lovely night! You're so lucky you have a sister. I don't even have step-siblings, so thanks a lot, mom and dad. I am sure your sister will love you no less, but I totally get it. It's so weird to announce something that changes you completely in people's eyes, even if you are still the exact same you've always been. I get wanting to hold onto that for a little longer. It's the same reason I keep prolonging it too.

Oh no, not an underdog. But I don't think it's the last time I've swung higher. Of course I sang my song. I have to! It's truly magical that we have found each other and can support each other like this. <3 It means so much to me.

Love, Bambi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! I practically stole all the dialogue from the shiva panic attack scene because i loved it the way it was. I hope I am doing the jonah/cyrus friendship justice, cuz i love it.
> 
> TJ made his first appearance!! Oooh :D 
> 
> Kudos/comments are very appreciated. Tell me what you think! <3 <3 Also come say hi on [tumblr](http://tutselutse.tumblr.com) if you want!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A new chapter y'all.

Cyrus was meeting Amber in the dance studio after class. She was already there, when he walked in, doing stretches. She was wearing a loose pink top and her hair was pulled back in a French braid. Cyrus placed his bag on the floor and watched her for a moment. Her movements were fluid and elegant, and she had a great balance. After a minute or so Amber spotted him and smiled.

"I didn't hear you come in," she said, and walked over to him. She picked up a water bottle and took a sip. She looked him up and down, an eyebrow raised at his clothes. He was wearing sweatpants, which he knew was a rare sight.

"So, how do we do this?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant, and not nervous as hell.

"I think we need to get you able to follow a beat properly before we do the actual choreography," Amber said, eyebrows narrowing slightly.

"Yay," Cyrus said without any feeling.

"Idiot," Amber said, shoving his arm lightly. Cyrus grinned innocently at her.

She made him do several stretches _and _a bit of running back and forth, just to get him warm. Cyrus hated it, but he complied none the less. Amber was a talented and strict teacher, so he knew he had to do what she said. She put on a playlist with upbeat pop songs, and made Cyrus shake his arms and legs so they were loose and warm. He tried telling her he had been born tense and anxious, but she just laughed. The first thing she made him do, was stepping around in a small square, while she counted _one two three four_ over and over. As he slowly got better, she made him lift his arms up and down, shifting between left and right. It was hard and Cyrus was out of breath and sweating.

"Okay, now do it without looking at your feet," Amber instructed. Cyrus looked up at his reflection and cringed. He looked ridiculous, no matter how much he tried moving in a controlled fashion, it still looked flailing and silly. He was immediately offbeat. "Ignore whether it looks good. Focus on being on beat," Amber instructed. She was doing the same next to him, and following her movements helped a little, even if she looked so much better than him while doing it. He really had to concentrate and he was panting hard.

When Amber decided they could take a break, Cyrus fell to the floor with a dramatic sigh, lying down on his back, with arms and legs stretched out. He could feel his sweaty skin sticking to the floor. Even though it was gross, he didn't have the energy to care.

"You look like a starfish," Amber laughed, sitting down cross-legged next to him. She placed his water beside his hand.

"I am so tired, you have no idea," Cyrus said, still trying to calm his breath. He made no attempt to pick up the water.

"You did good, actually," Amber said, "I think we can get you a passing grade."

"I am not sure I believe you. I don't think I'll be able to move the next hour," he sighed. Amber laughed again. It was a sweet, soft laugh. He mostly heard her make it around Andi.

"You are so dramatic," she said, "_I_ believe in you."

"Thanks," he replied, turning to look at her instead of the cracked ceiling. Something dark moving on the floor distracted him. It was a big spider. He shrieked and jumped up, running towards the other end of the room.

"What?" Amber said, on her feet in an instance.

"A spider!" he cried, his voice embarrasingly high-pitched. Amber immediately broke into a fit of laughter.

"I guess you were able to move after all," she quipped, bending over to pick up the spider.

"Not funny!" he said, even though he supposed it actually was. He watched her from a distance, as she carried the spider over to the window and placed it outside.

"There, you are safe now," she said, smiling in an way that seemed both amused and fond. 

"My hero," Cyrus said, returning her smile, "you are braver than any US marine."

Amber rolled her eyes. "I'm usually the one removing them at home, so it's no big."

Cyrus nodded, impressed by her yet again. He picked up his phone from his bag and opened his messenger. There was a message from Andi in the GHC group chat, from ten minutes ago, saying _emergency meeting at the spoon!!!!! Pls!!!_

"Andi wants to meet at the Spoon," he said, just as Amber looked up from her phone.

"She wrote me too," she said. Their eyes met, sharing concern and wonder. Then they rushed to get their things and leave the studio.

* * *

They arrived at the Spoon, glancing around for Andi. She was sitting in a booth, curled up next to Buffy. They rushed over and slid into the other seat.

"What's wrong?" Amber asked, her voice thick with worry. Andi looked up at them, and she didn't seem sad. She seemed angry.

"My parents decided they don't wanna get married," she answered. Yep, she was definitely angry. That wasn't a tone Cyrus heard her use often.

"What?" He and Amber said simultaneously.

"Oh, and we are keeping it a secret from Cece until after her birthday," Andi added bitterly.

"Fuck," Amber said. It made Buffy's and Andi's eyes bulge out in shock, and Cyrus nearly started laughing. Before any of them could say anything else, Jonah showed up and squeezed himself in next to Cyrus.

"What happened?"

"Amber said 'fuck'," Cyrus answered. Jonah got the cute confused puppy eyes as he looked at him.

"Is that why we are having an emergency meeting?" he asked.

"No," Cyrus replied. Oh sweet, sweet Jonah.

"Bex and Bowie aren't getting married," Andi said.

"Oh no," Jonah said, leaning forward, "I'm sorry, Andiman."

"Thanks," Andi said, offering him a grateful half-smile.

"Let us know what we can do," Cyrus said. He was serious.

"I'm just so angry!" Andi said, "at them mostly, but also myself. I _knew_ this was never going to happen. _Ugghh_!" She cradled her face in her hands.

"That's a very natural reaction," Cyrus said, his voice slipping into his _therapist-tone _easily. Amber elbowed him and sent him a smile. Buffy was rubbing circles onto Andi's back, and they just sat there quietly all five of them.

"We can do something fun this weekend. Adrenalin city?" Amber suggested.

"Yeah or go to the movies?" Buffy added.

"Yeah, yeah," Andi looked up and sighed, "now I just gotta get through the week."

"We are all here for you," Amber said, "if you wanna get rid of some anger, I know something that helps."

"Yeah?"

"I can take you, any day of the week. Thursday I help Cyrus with dancing, but after that I'm free."

"Can we go right now? I don't think I can go home the way, I am feeling right now." Andi asked.

"Of course," Amber replied. Cyrus and Jonah crawled out of the booth, so Amber could get up. Andi picked up her bag, and readjusted her fuzzy sweater.

"I'll walk out with you," Jonah said, waving at Cyrus and Buffy.

"What just happened?" Buffy asked, when they were alone, an amused smile on her lips.

"I think Amber solved Andi's problem before we could," Cyrus replied.

"That's what I thought just happened," Buffy replied. After a moment she looked at Cyrus and giggled. "Are you wearing sweatpants?"

"Shut up, I was dancing with Amber," Cyrus said, shoving her lightly on the arm.

"They look cute," Buffy said, pressing her lips together to keep from laughing.

"The one day my outfit isn't on point." Cyrus rolled his eyes.

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Sep 30 at 4:14 PM

SUBJECT: I should be doing my homework...

... but I'd much rather be emailing you. Got any fun plans this week? I am having a family movie night tonight. We'll probably watch an Ocean's film. My sister likes the new one best, but Ocean's 11 is CLEARLY the best ocean's film. I will fight anyone on this.

Anyway movie nights are a good tradition for us. We drink Dr. Pepper and dad mess up the first batch of popcorn and my sister eats all the reeses before we get started. It's nice. When we had a cat, it would sleep between me and my sister, and get mad if we moved to much around. I miss that little monster.

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 30 at 4:57 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I should be doing my homework...

You are delusional. Ocean's 8 has Mindy Kaling! AND Cate Blanchett playing a woman even gayer than she did in the lesbian film Carol! Wow, C, is this going to be our first real disagreement? :)

That sounds so nice! Mmmh reeses. I love silly family traditions! We are very fond of reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos here at my dad's. Maybe I should suggest him we watch that tonight... I don't have any plans in particular. One of my friends got some bad news, so I'm trying to come up with ways to cheer her up.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: [Sep 30 at 5:38 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I should be doing my homework...

  
Not gonna lie, Bambi, we're nearing dealbreaker territory :)))))) I will give you 8 is way gayer. I mean, Lou and Debbie are clearly in love. I never understood why Julia Roberts suddenly goes back to Danny - By all means dump Andy Garcia, but why does this mean she suddenly wants Danny again?? (Is it a straight person thing??) BUT Brad Pitt is epic in Ocean's 11. There is no way around it. So 11 still wins.

Oooh AFV is great! I love videos with cats the most, obviously. In general animals doing dumb stuff is great!

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Sep 30 at 9:16 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I should be doing my homework...

I have one thing to say. James Corden. I mean, 8 definitely wins because of him. Also, Helena Bonham Carter eating nutella straight out of the jar is a level of iconic we can only dream to achieve. I hope you won't stop writing me just because of this disagreement. We can agree to disagree, but clearly you are very wrong.

Yes the videos with the animals or little kids being cute and clumsy is the best! At least we agree on that. Also yes to the Julia Roberts thing. Like. What? _Why_ are straight romances always like that?? weird.

* * *

Wednesday morning Cyrus and Buffy were walking down the hall, on their way to next class, talking about the Bex and Bowie wedding drama. Buffy seemed mostly angry on Andi's behalf, but Cyrus couldn't help wondering _why _they had cancelled it again. He almost asked his parents last night, to get their opinions.

"Buffy!" a voice called, and then suddenly TJ was standing in front of them.

"TJ," Buffy acknowledged.

"Are we meeting today?" he asked, looking hopeful.

"Yeah. _Just _the two of us," Buffy replied. TJ actually made a sound not far from a chuckle.

"Of course ," he said, a hint of a smile on his lips, raising his hands in defeat. Yep, he was definitely having an easygoing conversation with Buffy. What on Earth? Cyrus tilted his head slightly, as he examined TJ. He seemed more at ease around Buffy than last time, and the distrustful scowl on his face was gone. He was actually not unattractive, Cyrus thought. Now that he didn't look mean, suddenly it was possible to see that he had nice eyes. _Huh_.

TJ glanced at Cyrus, before quickly looking back at Buffy. "I just wanted to make sure," he said, his eyes flashing back to Cyrus again. "I wanted to talk about... what you said Saturday."

He probably didn't want to talk about it in front of Cyrus. Buffy actually smiled at him as she replied, "Good. We'll talk."

"Thanks." TJ looked relieved. He looked over at Cyrus again, offering a polite smile. Cyrus returned it, a little hesitant. TJ nodded at Buffy, and then he walked off, brushing past Cyrus, so close that he, for some stupid reason, noticed that TJ smelled kind of nice. _What the hell?_ Why would he notice that? Sure, the athletic guys in school often smelled like old sweat, which TJ didn't, but noticing it was really odd.

"Well that was weird," Buffy muttered.

"Yeah, super weird," Cyrus said. Seriously, why did he _smell him_?

"It's good I broke it off with Walker, because I get all the boy drama I need from TJ Kippen," Buffy joked. Cyrus snort-laughed, and then they continued their walk.

"Why was he so nice to you all of a sudden?" Cyrus asked after a moment.

"I have no idea. I mean, he stopped being rude, but he hasn't been this nice before," Buffy replied, clearly as confused as Cyrus.

"Do you have any ideas on how we cheer up Andi?" Cyrus asked.

"I don't know, it seems like Amber has it pretty covered," Buffy shrugged.

"We are her best friends, surely we are allowed to help her at least once!" Cyrus insisted, "now we just need to think of something good." They continued down the hall, weighing their options. 

* * *

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 6 at 1:08 PM

SUBJECT: A wet Sunday

Hey C!

I just got totally soaked, because the skies opened as I walked home. Cons: it was a surprise and I got cold. Also my shoes are going to take foreeever to dry. Pros: once you're completely soaked, it stops mattering. _And _my step-mom just made me hot cocoa with mini marshmallows. So now I am on my bed, wrapped in a blanket like a burrito. Don't ask me how I am typing, because it probably shouldn't be possible. Once I'm warm and dry, I'm going to pack and then my step-mom will drive me to my mom's house. I don't wanna move though. This is very cozy, all I need is a cute boy to cuddle up against ;)

How are things with you?

Love, Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 6 at 3:12 PM

SUBJECT: Re: A wet Sunday

Hey Underdog!

I am sorry you got soaked. I had just made it home, which I felt very relieved about. Although I guess if I had been rained on, I could have made my mom make me cocoa, so now I am not so sure I was lucky... hmmm. I am sure you make the cutest burrito :) If you are considering cuddling with anyone, it really should be someone awesome. Like, someone who swings, can get you chocolate chocolate chip muffins and knows the lyrics to pretty much all songs by The Rolling Stones :)))

I am dealing with this _thing_, and I am not good at making it work, but it's kind of important that I do. Ugh. I hate it. It's a sucky situation. I think I am going to make myself cocoa.

Love, C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: [Oct 6 at 9:09 PM]

SUBJECT: Cuddling

Dear C,

For once getting rained on paid off. Muahaha. I am sorry you are struggling with a thing. I wish I could help you. I hope the cocoa helped. If things get very bad, I'll quote Winnie the Pooh at you, don't test me! :) Joke aside, I truly believe in you, C. I know you can do it!!

Also, don't worry. I only imagine cuddling with someone who is forced to listen to havana, likes Nick Jonas and is scared of spiders ;))))

Love, Bambi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! <3 
> 
> Let me know if you spot a mistake or anything. It's kind of weird for me to write a tyrus fic where they hardly interact irl at all, so it was so great to finally have this moment! I also loved writing the dancing with Amber! 
> 
> I hope y'all liked this!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! I'm sick, so I was too tired to update yesterday. But today I made myself do it! Yay!

"We've invited your dad and Sharon over for dinner Saturday," Cyrus mom said Monday morning, while brewing herself some coffee. <strike></strike>

"Yeah?" Cyrus looked up from his breakfast.

"We wanted to look at through all the pictures from your Bar Mitzvah. You know, we _finally_ got the ones your uncle took." She continued bustling around the kitchen, while Cyrus sat in silence. All four under the same roof? He could do it there. _Come_ _out_. He swallowed.

"Honey?" she looked at him with her head tilted.

"Sounds great," he said. How he made his mouth move was a miracle.

"You look pale. Are you feeling alright?" she walked over and placed one hand on his forehead, and the other on his shoulder, giving him a comforting squeeze. The shoulder squeeze always anchored him and helped him calm down, it had ever since he was little.

"I'm okay," Cyrus whispered, before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her for a moment. She hugged him back, resting her chin on top of his head. Cyrus breathed deeply, calming himself. She was going to support him. It would be okay. She kissed him on the top of the head.

"Finish your breakfast," she said with a smile.

"I will." He returned her smile, feeling a lot better than before. Even if he did feel a strong urge to run upstairs and write a panicked email to C. _It can wait for tonight_, he told himself. Then he remembered what he had written last night and immediately blushed. What had gotten into him?

Something about C just made him feel at ease. Brave enough to write something so flirty. Cyrus shook his head and focused on his breakfast.

* * *

He was distracted through most of the morning. His thoughts jumped back and forth between Coming Out and what C had thought about what he had written. Buffy had to repeat herself several times as they walked down the hall, because he forgot to pay attention.

"What is up with him today?" he heard Jonah ask. Cyrus blinked, when had he showed up?

"Sorry, I slept weird last night," he lied.

"You guys wanna come to the Red Rooster later?" Jonah asked. Before they could answer, Andi appeared, practically running towards them.

"Guys!" she hissed, "I made the weirdest discovery last night!"

"Is it your parents?" Buffy asked, sounding concerned.

"No, no. I slept over at Amber's house," she said before lowering her voice, "I met her brother."

"Oh," Jonah said, looking curious, "I never got to meet him."

"I was going to ask you, because I thought it was _strange _that you hadn't mentioned it," she said. Cyrus and Buffy both sighed impatiently.

"Just tell us," Buffy demanded.

"Guys, her younger brother is _TJ_," Andi said. _What???_

"TJ?!" Buffy exclaimed, before wincing at how loud her own voice was.

"That doesn't make any sense," Jonah said with a frown.

"I arrived and Amber asked if I wanted juice, so we walked into the kitchen and there he was. I didn't believe my eyes for the first five minutes, but... it was really him," Andi told them.

"Jonah, Amber never mentioned her last name is Kippen?" Buffy asked in disbelief.

"No, not that I can recall," Jonah said. Cyrus was feeling weird. He had talked about Amber's family with her, but she never mentioned her brother by name. He knew stuff about TJ now. Like how he was ashamed of their family's financial struggle, and sometimes lashed out at her and their parents.

"I guess blond and mean runs in the family," Buffy said after a moment, making them all laugh. They continued down the hall, falling into silence. They weren't heading for the same class, so Cyrus waved at them, before he turned left, down towards his classroom. TJ was walking in the opposite direction, and their eyes met for a moment. TJ offered a small acknowledging smile, and Cyrus returned it, feeling very weird. _He's Amber's brother!_

The rest of the day, he felt a little restless. Like something was itching in the back of his head. He was forgetting something, but he couldn't figure out what it was.

* * *

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 7 at 5:30 PM

SUBJECT: Oh my God Oh my God

C!

Mom told me they invited my dad and step-mom to dinner on Saturday!!!! This means my parents are under one roof!! Ahhhh!

I am going to tell them. I am going to tell them. I might be freaking out a LOT.

Love, Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 7 at 6:11 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Oh my God Oh my God

Bambi, that is insane! I am so happy you get a nice situation where they are all there, so you aren't telling one of them before the other. But holy fuck (pardon my french), are you ready? I know you are out to your friends, but parents are different, right? Like, the most important ones.

I am sure you can do it, because you are amazing! <3 <3

Love, C.

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 7 at 9:28 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Oh my God Oh my God

It is kind of insane, but yeah this opportunity is kind of perfect. Parent's _are_ different. I mean, my parents should be okay with it. Judaism isn't one of the religions where they don't like gay people. Still, you never know. I mean, you hear about very religious parents who immediately accept their kids and go to Pride, and then liberal parents who are okay with homosexuality until it's their own kid, so I don't know. I trust my parents though, they are reasonable people and should be okay. It's still just aaaaaaggghhhh. I wish telling them was as easy to talking to _you_. Why are you so easy to talk to?

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 8 at 7:10 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Oh my God Oh my God

I feel ya, Bambi. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Yeah, and that is what scares me. I know my parents are liberal and all, but it is one thing when it's a principle, it's something else when it's your only son. I don't know. I guess I just hate that I have to announce parts of my personality, like it's big news. I wish straight people had to come out too. Under, like, really awkward circumstances.

Why I am so easy to talk to? Probably because I am so awesome and cute, right? ;)))))

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 8 at 4:29 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Oh my God Oh my God

C,

Yeah, and I am their _only _child! It's like 'heeeeey, you're never getting a daughter-in-law. However, you _thought _you'd never get a son-in-law. Surpriiiise" *waves jazz hands*

Yes! Straight people should definitely have to come out. Just, standing in front of their parents and be like "Mother, father. I am.... a heterosexual. I am only attracted to the opposite gender. I am sorry to shock you like this." :D

Hmm, it seems like you are fishing after getting called cute? You, "Chad", are very cute. It must be hard walking around, knowing you are more cute than all the other boys around. ;)

* * *

Amber and Cyrus walked together to the Spoon after Thursday's dance practice. Cyrus was getting better, and they had started making his choreography. Cyrus was certain Amber found his choices of moves to be rather fun and silly, but she was good at keeping a straight face. She was talking excitedly about a party she had been invited to next weekend. High School sounded intimidating and fun.

The Spoon was half full and Jonah and Andi were sitting in a booth, deep in conversation. Amber said hi to them, before walking into the back to change to her uniform. Cyrus sat down across from the other two. He watched them as they talked. It was clear they still cared about each other, but being friends really suited them.

"Cyrus! Sorry," Andi said.

"It's fine, keep whispering," he said in a mock-hurt voice, "pretend I am not here."

They laughed. "I ordered a milkshake for you," Jonah said. As if on cue, a waiter that wasn't Amber, showed up with three milkshake and a basket of baby taters.

"I'm hungry," Cyrus said, "dancing makes you hungry."

"Yeah, who'd have thought?" Andi grinned, "when do we get to see this choreography?"

"I was thinking... never?" Cyrus joked.

"Aww Cy!" Andi complained.

"Maybe one day," he replied, and did his best replica of a Buffy-grin. "It isn't done yet."

"That's fair," Andi said, and grabbed a baby tater.

"Oh guys," Jonah said, holding out his phone, "did you see that there is a carnival coming to town in two weeks?"

"Oooh!" Andi leaned forward and looked at his screen. "That looks like fun!"

"No carrousels for me," Cyrus said. Jonah started laughing at the memory, but stopped himself by biting down on his bottom lip.

"Yeah, good idea," he said, clearing his throat. Cyrus nudged him with his foot.

"Careful, JB," he warned, before grinning. Andi shook her head at them.

"I definitely wanna go. It's on Wednesday the 23rd." Andi was fishing out her own phone, probably to write it down.

"Cool, we should text Buffy," Jonah said.

* * *

Cyrus had spent all of Saturday in a nervous haze. He reread many of the emails from Chad, and went through what he wanted to say and when. He took a shower shortly before his dad and Sharon showed up, hoping it would keep him from sweating through his shirt. His mom was preparing dinner and sipping a glass of red wine, and his step-dad was setting up his laptop to the TV, so they could look at pictures. Cyrus walked back and forth, unable to sit still. How on earth was he going to make it through dinner without any of them noticing? Why oh why were they all shrinks?

His dad and step-mom rang the doorbell, and then it was go time. Cyrus ran hand through his hair and readjusted his shirt. Todd stood up and walked to the door. There was laughter and a stream of greetings and 'how are you's and smalltalk. Cyrus could hardly pay attention to it. For the first time he wished he could call C and talk to him in real time. He was sure it would help.

The emails from this week had helped a lot. There was something quite wonderful about the way C believed in him, even when he knew so much of Cyrus' stuff. It was weird to think that he, Cyrus, who was scared of everything, was more out than C, who seemed so cool and fun and not scared of things. That C looked up to him when it came to this stuff. He might be the first person to ever look up to Cyrus

After hugging his dad and step-mom, he followed all four parents into the dining room. Todd poured wine for the two guests and Leslie went back into the kitchen. She returned with the food, instructing Cyrus to go and get the bread.

Cyrus was thankful his mother was such a gossip, because that meant the first half of dinner was just her updating everyone else on stuff she had heard. Cyrus concentrated on eating and laughing whenever it was needed. How his mom had decided to get a job, that required confidentiality, was beyond him.

"Cyrus, honey, you're so quiet today," Sharon said, when there was a small break in the gossip. _Damn_.

"Just tired from school this week," Cyrus lied, ignoring the way his pulse flickered.

"You're feeling a lot of pressure?" his dad asked. There was concern in his eyes.

"Yeah, a bit," Cyrus shrugged, "I'm supposed to design a dance choreography and perform for the others."

His parents had the decency to only smile and not laugh. "How's that going?" his dad asked.

"Alright," he replied, "Amber's been helping me." He caught his mom and Todd exchange smiles. Ugh. _No_.

"She's a sweet girl," Sharon said, "beneath that mean girl facade she put up."

"She's a good _friend_," Cyrus said, putting as much emphasis on the word _friend_ as possible.

"That's great, son," his dad said, and for a moment it seemed like they accepted his claim. But no, of course not. "You ever think about asking her out?" his dad asked, a satisfied smirk on his face.

"No, Dad," Cyrus replied, a little to the sharp side. Usually his parents weren't so girlfriend pushy.

"Okay, okay," his dad grinned. Cyrus had actually wanted to wait until they were done eating, but this conversation was making it very hard. He took a deep breath and put his fork and knife down.

"About that," he started. His heart started hammering so loudly, it drowned out all the noise around him. He was aware of every cell in his body. His hands were shaking. _Oh God, oh God, oh God_. He licked his lips. _Just say it_. "I don't think I'll ever ask out a girl. I'm - _I'm_ _gay_." His voice sounded far away, like he wasn't the one speaking. He stared at the bottle of wine in the middle of the table, afraid to look up at any of his parents. His pulse was still ringing so loud in his ears, and he wasn't sure there was enough oxygen in the room. _I did it_.

"Cyrus," it was his mother's voice. He looked up at her. His vision was getting blurry, as tears appeared in his eyes. "I am so proud of you."

"Mom," he sniffled, his voice small. As if on cue, all four parents scrambled out of their chairs, and then he was being pulled to his feet and wrapped in the biggest group hug.

"Thank you for telling us," Sharon said. Cyrus could hear his father sniffle.

"I love you, son," he said, his voice thick.

"That was pretty brave, kid," Todd said. They let go of him, and then his mom immediately hugged him again.

"My brave, brave son," she whispered, and gave him a shoulder squeeze. Cyrus hugged them all individually, unable to stop a few tears from falling. This reaction was more than he could have hoped for. As they all returned to their dinner, he was lightheaded and weirdly warm all over. He had just come out. Wow.

"How long have you known?" his dad asked.

"Uh," Cyrus scratched his neck, "I guess it started last year, but it was this summer I started to be okay with the word."

They all nodded in that therapy-way. Cyrus couldn't help but smile as they each took turns asking him questions. He could tell they were trying to not treat him like a patient, but still wanting to ask the right questions and seem interested. It was very sweet.

Later, they watched pictures of the bar mitzvah, and they all four kept making comments about how much older he already was. Someone had taken a picture of Cyrus and Jonah laughing at something while looking at each other. It was a very good photo.

"Jonah is such a sweet boy," his mom said suddenly, giving him _look_. Cyrus rolled his eyes. If only she _knew_.

"He is also very fond of girls," he told her.

"You never know," Sharon said, and then she winked at him. Cyrus blushed and looked down. This wasn't the reaction he had been expecting. He hoped they weren't going to try and set him up with all the boys who smiled his way now.

His dad gave him another long hug before leaving. He kissed Cyrus on the top of the head. "See you tomorrow, kid," he said, and there were a few tears in his eyes again.

"Yeah, I'll be there around dinner time," Cyrus said. Sharon hugged him too, and then she ruffled his hair.

After they left, Cyrus cleared the table. He was dying to run upstairs and write C, but he knew he couldn't escape his mom just yet. So they cleaned up together. It was nice, and aside from the way she would occasionally look at him fondly and wipe away a tear, it was very normal already.

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 5:39 PM

SUBJECT: Good luck

good luck good luck good luck good luck

Love, C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 10:05 PM

SUBJECT: Coming Out

CHAD!!

I did it!!! I told them!! It was so crazy. We were having dinner, and I was planning on waiting for later, but then they started asking me questions about a girl I know and I just... told them I'm gay.  
I was so scared at first, but they all took it so well. My dad started crying, but that is nothing new. We are a bunch of crying men in this family. It was so scary but it happened and now they know. Obviously being my parents, they asked me a lot of questions, and then later my mom started pointing out that one of my friends (That Guy) was 'such a sweet boy' and gave me a pointed look. So, that means things are pretty much the same as always, except the right gender, haha.

Thank you so much for all your support!!! I seriously never could have done this without you!!!!

Love, Bambi.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 10:28 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Coming Out

BAMBI!!!

Do you know that you're my hero? You're coming out on your own terms and _owning _it! I am so happy for you!!!! I am just lying on my bed GRINNING at the ceiling. I could scream.  
My dad cries at cartoons, which is sadly a feature both me and my sister have inherited. Mom only tear up at that song from Titanic. (I totally didn't play it a lot after learning it as a kid. I am a _good_ son).

Ahahaha That Guy returns!! I hope you told your mom that you know this really great guy, who makes you laugh and who is really cool, so she shouldn't try to set you up with That (Straight) Guy!! :))))

Actually, it's you who give the support. Thanks to you I came out to my sister tonight! We had just come home from work, and our parents weren't home tonight, because they were on a date or whatever, and then I told her. She hugged me and told me she loved me. I am really happy I have her. I never would have dared to come out, if I hadn't known you!! So THANK YOU <3 <3 <3

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 10:40 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Coming Out

C,

You're MY hero!!! I'm in my room, and I am just walking around, unable to sit still.  
Awww, do you cry at ALL cartoons? Or just Toy Story 3 and UP? I cry at most emotions to be honest. NOO you did _not_ play Your Heart Will Go On just to make your mom cry???? C!!!!

Oh really, who's this guy you are thinking of? ;)

YOU TOLD YOUR SISTER??? C!!!! I am so so so proud of you!!!! Awww yay I am so glad she took it well! Wow, you are so brave!! You _came out_, this is the first one, right? You took that first major step. Wow, C, wow. You are the best, I am so proud to have played a small part in your coming out!!! <3

Love, Bambi.

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 10:53 PM

SUBJECT: AAAAAARGH

!!! Just walked downstairs to get some water anD I OVERHEARD MY MOM SAY SHE NEEDS TO RESEARCH SAFE GAY SEX SO SHE'LL BE READY FOR THE "TALK"

IT WAS GREAT KNOWING YOU CHAD BUT I AM GOING TO DIE FROM EMBARRASSMENT NOW

GOODBYE

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 12 at 11:09 PM

SUBJECT: Re: AAAAAARGH

Bambi asfdffhjfnjnf I am so glad I knew you. I am sorry it has to end this way. Wow now I am a little worried about telling _my_ parents, I really don't want a sex talk anytime soon. Yiiikes. My dad is definitely the type of parent who would try to make it insanely awkward on purpose.

I did play my heart will go on randomly just to see what would happen. I was a terrible child. My sister was worse though, so that's a comfort. Haha. Oh I cry at most cartoons. Like in the Fox and the Hound when she releases the fox into the forest to save him? I am a sobbing mess, Bambi. Even just typing this out was a little much for me tbh.

You're the hero tonight, truly. I am so proud of you. Telling the parents is huge. But yeah, this first step is pretty big too, though. I mean, now it won't be a secret. It's out there, it's really me. It's like I've crossed a line and now I can never go back. Mostly in a good way.

Love, C.

PS: Some guy who keeps emailing you, maybe... :P

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! <3 In the book, Blue's mom starts talking about condoms and safe sex right after he comes out, and obviously that's not really fitting for these kiddos, but I couldn't help but add in this little situation anyway. 
> 
> I hoped you liked this! If you did, let me know! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't so long, because I ended up cutting one chapter into two. It felt better, pacing-wise. I'm going to try and post the other one later this week, so you don't have to wait that long :)

Andi, Buffy and Jonah were in hysterics, when Cyrus told them about what he overheard his mom say. They were standing outside of the school Monday morning. Jonah and Buffy were practically collapsing on top of each other from laughing and Andi was covering her mouth with her hand.

"Did she - really - say that?" Jonah was downright wheezing.

"_Yes_," Cyrus sighed, "I just ran back upstairs. I was _mortified!_"

"Oh God," Andi said, suddenly looking horrified, "what if Bex tries to have the _talk_ with me? I mean, she got pregnant as a teenager. What if she gives me details?" Andi looked panicked and Cyrus winced at her. Jonah and Buffy were laughing harder, clearly Andi's fear only made it worse.

"Stop - I'm - dying!" Buffy said in between laughs. She was holding onto Jonah for dear life and he had actual tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Oh, Jonah," Cyrus tried changing the subject, "when we looked at bar mitzvah pictures there was one of you, and my mom said _he's a sweet boy_ and then my step-mom winked at me."

Jonah looked up in surprise, frozen mid-laugh. This info was clearly too much for Buffy, and she leaned forward and rested her hands on her knees, making a huffing noises. She had surpassed laughing and was now just breathing weirdly. Andi was giggling again. Cyrus couldn't help but laugh a little too, and Jonah joined in.

"Your mom is right, I am a catch," he said with a grin.

"Are you?" Andi quipped. Cyrus laughed loudly at that.

"Take that back, Andiman!" Jonah insisted, "I wrote you a very romantic song!"

"Sorry, you were a great sorta-boyfriend," Andi said. Cyrus wanted to exchange looks with Buffy, but she was still leaned over while laughing. Other kids passed them, giving them funny or questioning looks. Cyrus just shrugged, while he waited for Buffy to stop laughing. Finally she straightened her back and wiped away tears under her eyes.

"Phew, that ended up hurting my stomach," she said, making Andi and Cyrus snicker. Jonah began laughing, and she raised her finger at him in warning. "Don't get me started again."

"I can't believe you came out to your parents this weekend," Andi said in a low voice.

"Yeah, you didn't even mention you were going to do it," Buffy added. Cyrus swallowed. He had talked so much to C about it, he hadn't even felt the need to mention it to Buffy and Andi. _Weird_. A small wave of guilt hit him. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk to the others about it, it was just that C understood it. It was so natural to talk to him about it.

"I just..." Cyrus started, not sure what to say. He sighed and looked at them. "I guess I wasn't sure I would go through with it until I did. If I told you, then it was a verbal commitment."

Buffy wrapped her arm around his shoulder and squeezed him. Cyrus leaned against her for a moment. He hadn't exactly been lying just now, but it definitely wasn't the whole truth. His friendship with C was becoming such a big part of his life, he had forgotten to confide in his best friends. It was _strange. _

"Well, as you heard, they took it well," Cyrus said, and they all began laughing again.

"Don't!" Buffy warned.

"We're just proud of you, Cyrus," Andi said, smiling warmly.

"Thank you," he replied, his voice a little thick.

"Guys, this is very sweet, but we're going to be late." Jonah interrupted.

"Oh no!" Andi winced. They all looked around them. No one else was still outside. Buffy grabbed Cyrus' hand, pulling him along as she began running towards the door. She was luckily not running at her Buffiest tempo, so he was able to keep up, even if the cool air started to hurt a little in his lungs. They opened the door and spilled inside. A few people were still walking down the hall. Buffy tugged Cyrus with her towards their lockers.

They made it just in time for class. Cyrus sat down, placing his books in front of him. His heart was hammering and his breath was still quick. His forehead was a little clammy and he felt warm. Running really was the actual worst.

As his teacher talked and he scribbled down notes, he constantly caught his thoughts drifting back to C. He wondered what class C was in, and whether he was sitting there distracted by thoughts of Cyrus. His chest felt warm, and not because of the running. C really made him feel so many things, even just from the emails. For a while C had sort of just existed inside Cyrus' computer, as a friend he could confide in. Now he was remembering that C was a real guy, who had a sister and attended Jefferson.

He could be in this classroom for all Cyrus knew.

He quickly glanced around the class, feeling his pulse quicken again. Obviously C wasn't going to catch his eye and realize it was _him_. He bit his lip and refocused on his teacher, concentrating on the words being said.

* * *

Cyrus and Buffy were sprawled out on Buffy's living room floor, doing math homework. Andi was having Andi Shack time, apparently already done with the homework. Whatever. Cyrus had a hard time concentrating, his mind kept circling back to C. Coming out at practically the same time had brought them so much closer, even though it was only four days ago. Their emails were becoming more, well he supposed the only term for it was _flirty_. It was exciting. Things were changing, and Cyrus was surprised by how much he liked it. He got tingles down his back just thinking about it.

"Cy," Buffy said, "do you want something to drink?"

"Oh, uh, yeah, thanks," he said. He looked down at his homework and sighed. He wondered what C was doing right now. His heart fluttered. _C_. Buffy returned with two glasses of lemonade, interrupting his thoughts.

"Oh, did I tell you? Yesterday TJ offered to help me train the Spikes." Buffy sat down.

"Wow," Cyrus replied.

"Yeah. I said yes, because I'm trying to teach them this new thing, and it's not going well. But TJ is pretty good at it. I don't know." She furrowed her brows.

"Any help you can get, right? I mean, I don't get basketball, but TJ was good at it?" The last part ended up sounding like a question.

"He is, yeah," Buffy smiled and took a sip. "I have helped him a lot with the math stuff, so."

"How is that going?" Cyrus asked, picking up his glass.

"Better. We told Coleman yesterday. He immediately started apologizing for not realizing and is going to get TJ tested. If he has dyscalculia, he'll get a specialized tutor," Buffy told him.

"That's great! Go you for figuring it out!" Cyrus couldn't help but feel proud of Buffy. She had handled this really well, especially considering how she didn't even like TJ.

"Thanks," she said, looking down. After a moment she looked back up. "Cy?"

"Yeah?"

"I uh. Never mind," she said.

"Buffy, what is it?" Cyrus asked, leaning forward and smiling encouragingly. 

"Yesterday, when TJ asked to help with the Spikes, I was glad of course. But I was also disappointed. I think... I think I miss Marty." She shook her head, like she was embarrassed of her own words. Cyrus looked at her in surprise. _Marty_. He hadn't seen that coming.

"I am not sure I see the connection to TJ and the Spikes?" Cyrus gently said.

"I wish I could share it with Marty. Not TJ. Marty is good at basketball, and he would tease me about the team in his own way, and I would know he was proud of me. It's stupid." She mumbled the last sentence.

"It's not stupid!" Cyrus insisted, "you and Marty shared your love for sports and competition. Of course you miss that friendship."

"Yeah, friendship.." Buffy muttered.

"Buffy Driscoll, do you _like_ Marty?" Cyrus asked, a sly smile appearing on his face.

"No! I don't know. I haven't seen him in ages," Buffy admitted, "but I do think about him."

"It's okay if you do," Cyrus said, "I won't judge you. We're crush buddies."

"You should get a new crush then, so we can be in this together," Buffy smiled.

"Aha! You do have a crush!" Cyrus pointed at her and grinned.

"No comment," Buffy replied.

Cyrus smiled at her. He wanted to tell her about C, about how much he smiled whenever C emailed him, and they joked. How good it made him feel, and how much C helped him. But he wasn't even sure what was happening between them, and he liked that C was just _his_. He would tell her when he met C, that was for sure. _When. _Cyrus almost blushed. He did want to meet him. It was just daunting, now that he was starting to have _these_ _feelings_ for him. It would have been easier, when they were just friends.

He just couldn't shake the fear, that he would disappoint C if he met him in real life. That the image C had of Bambi was someone much better and more awesome than Cyrus Goodman. One day he would be ready for them to meet, but not right now. For now, he wanted to keep the emails. He felt at ease when they were writing to each other. There was no way he would be as relaxed if they met up.

"Fine, let's talk about something else then," Cyrus said, "like how Bex and Bowie still aren't getting married."

"Poor Andi," Buffy sighed, "I really thought they would have put the wedding back on track by now."

"Yeah," Cyrus nodded, "adults are so weird."

Buffy sighed and looked down at her homework. "We should probably continue with this."

"Yeah," Cyrus shrugged, putting down his lemonade. 

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 16 at 5:23 PM

SUBJECT: Swings

Bambi.

I went swinging again. I kept thinking about you, and I thought to myself that someday in future I would like to meet you, and we could go to the swings together and maybe I could push you - maybe even do an underdog or two. I don't know, I guess I imagine we won't be keeping this anonymous forever....

Sorry if this is out of line.

C,

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 16 at 5:59 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swings

That's so sweet. I thought about you a lot today too, actually. I do wanna meet you! But I don't think I am ready yet. I am sorry. I just... What we have is special, and I would hate to lose it. Does this make sense? I get very nervous easily, and meeting would be kinda scary.

You are not out of line!

Love Bambi.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 16 at 8:03 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swings

It does make sense. I am definitely nervous about what it would mean to _this_ if we met in person. I totally get you. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable by suggesting it! That's the last thing I want!

I guess I just keep thinking it would be great to meet? Like, we'll hang out, eat muffins, make the same jokes we do now, but in person. Potentially exchange phone numbers, although I know that last part is risky. I guess I live on the edge ;))))

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 16 at 8:48 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swings

It would be great to meet, and don't think that the prospect of muffins isn't tempting me :P I want to meet you. Soon, I promise. But not yet. I am not ready to say goodbye to _this _yet.

The edge, huh? Well, I live in the middle.

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 16 at 9:32 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Swings

Cool, I'll meet you there ;)))  
  
I mean it though, taking this at a pace you're comfortable with is important to me. I'm glad we could have this talk <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thank you to all the people who comment and give kudos <3 <3  
It really means so much to me! 
> 
> I always love to hear what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is also not that long. And a lot of emails.

Cyrus spent Friday afternoon with Andi, helping her with an art project in Andi Shack. He mostly handed her things or held things for her, but it was a good time. Most of the time was spent discussing school and Andi's parents, who still weren't getting married, even though Bowie seemed sad about it.

While the glue dried, they leaned back in the pillows. Andi put her feet over Cyrus' legs and smiled lazily. "Enough talk about the parents," she said.

"Okay," Cyrus grinned, "you wanna talk about Jonah?"

Andi laughed and covered her face with her hands. "Is that all I talk about?"

"Nah, we can also talk about Amber?" Cyrus suggested, mostly as a joke. Andi removed her hands.

"What?" her eyes were big and her lips slightly parted.

"You've been spending a lot of time together," he teased.

"I guess," Andi said, "I never thought we would end up friends."

"I know," Cyrus smiled, "I'm friends with her too."

"Lots of stuff happened since I started playing frisbee with Jonah Beck," Andi giggled as she said his full name.

"_Jonah. _Beck." Cyrus said dramatically, moving his hands like he was making a rainbow. Andi laughed loudly. "But seriously, things are cool between you now?"

"Jonah has always been _cool_," Andi laughed. Cyrus pinched her leg. "Yeah, being friends seems to work pretty well."

"It seems to, yeah," Cyrus agreed.

"It's weird, I keep thinking about what would have happened if we met when we were older. I was so young and confused," Andi said, looking deep in thought. There was a small crease between her eyebrows.

"I get that. It must be weird," he replied, "does it feel like now Andi and now Jonah could have made it work?"

"Maybe," Andi shrugged, "or future Andi and future Jonah."

Cyrus nodded in response. He wondered what would have happened if he had met Chad instead of emailing him. Would they have been friends? How comfortable with his sexuality would he have been? Maybe they would have been _good_ friends. Close. Would they have been able to talk like now? Would Cyrus have feelings for him, like he did now?

Andi wanted to make something else, something with pearls, so he spent the next hour sorting pearls in the colors she needed. It was delicate work, but Cyrus liked it. Buffy showed up, squeezing herself into Andi Shack. She was smiling widely.

"Hi," Andi and Cyrus said at the same time. Then they giggled at each other.

"Practice was so great!" Buffy said. She removed her shoes and threw herself onto the chair. "TJ actually helped. It was weird, but I am not complaining. He even said something funny."

"That's great!" Andi said, not looking up.

"Two of the girls were totally making eyes at him," Buffy snickered, "Allison even wanted a selfie with him. Kira better watch out."

Cyrus rolled his eyes dramatically. "Straight drama," he sighed. Buffy threw a pillow at him, but she was grinning. 

"I bet she'll post it soon, with some funny caption. She has a great way of using ironic hashtags," Buffy said, opening her phone. Cyrus continued sorting through the pearls. Andi didn't need any more but he liked putting them in little bowls.

There was a knock on the door, and then Bex poked her head inside. "Cece made Bowie cook, it's done in a bit. You kids wanna join?" she asked, looking at them. Cyrus watched her earring dangle.

"I'm in," Buffy said.

"Yeah, let me just text my dad," Cyrus said. 

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 10:12 AM

SUBJECT: Happy weekend!

I had a really good friday, I am in such a good mood this weekend! I have work, things are working out with my class, and the weather is pretty.

I have one question though. Why did I tell my sister I'm gay? She's been waggling her eyebrows and very not-discreetly pointing at all the boys she sees, asking me if I think he's cute. She seems like finding me a boyfriend is her top priority! I almost miss her humming havana!

Love, C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 1:08 AM

SUBJECT: Re: Happy weekend!

I am so glad you are happy! :D :D :D I had a great day yesterday too. Hung out with my best friends, did some crafting (I sorted pearls after color. shut up). And then I ate about a gazillion dumplings and my dad had to pick me up because I was getting drowsy. Haha.

Who are these boys your sister point at?? I am not intimidating, please don't make me have to fight anyone. Is fighting for someone even a thing for gay people? Or is it only for fair maidens?? Anyway, should I be jealous of all these cute boys you cross paths with??

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 2:25 PM

SUBJECT: Is Bambi jealous?

Sorting pearls, huh? Sophisticated work :P Dumplings are good! But I am terrible with chopsticks. My sister has been getting better recently. Why does loads of food make us sleepy? I eat lunch and immediately need a nap. I can't pay attention to class at all the first half hour. I'm just zzzzzzzzzzz.

The question isn't if you should be jealous, but _are you jealous? ;)))) _They are just dudes we see out and about. And I haven't even noticed if they are cute. I mean, I think I have a pretty specific type ;) <3

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 4:59 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Is Bambi jealous?

I am terrible with chopsticks too! They let me use a fork last night actually. I only dropped one (1) in the soy sauce this time. (Yes it splattered everywhere). Food makes me sleepy too, my dad says I am already an old man. I am glad to know I am not alone!

I could be a little jealous. I think I have a pretty specific type too. <3

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 8:36 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Is Bambi jealous?

Wow, we are already two old men. Great! We can use forks to eat dumplings together and then take long naps!

My sister just asked when I'll tell our parents, and I want to but. Idk, I just "came out" to them about my learning disability, so like, this could turn into a month _full of surprises _for them...Well, anyway. I don't think they'll take it poorly, they are pretty liberal. But y'know, it's still scary. I am still so proud that you did it. I am so glad I know you! <3

* * *

Cyrus felt like the air had been knocked out of him as he read the email. _Learning disability_. Learning disability. His heart was pounding and it felt like he couldn't think fast enough. He struggled to control his breathing and clear his head. He stared the words in front of him, unable to look away.

Could... could Chad be _TJ Kippen_??!!

A sudden wave of panicked energy surged through him and he threw himself forward, frantically clicking back. He started opening old emails, scanning them for details. Clues.

_I have a class I don't like_. That could be math, right?

_Some girl from class who's annoying. _Could that be Buffy?

_Just got some terrible news. _Was that around the time Buffy was told she had to tutor him? Wasn't it?

He reached the email where C mentioned a fear of spiders, and having to get his sister to remove them, and Cyrus suddenly remembered Amber saying "_I'm usually the one removing them at home, so it's no big_." She was TJ's sister.

He got up from his chair and paced around the room. TJ. _Could_ it be TJ? Who else could it be? He even mentioned lashing out at people once. It was hard to believe it though. TJ was so tall and mean and rude. Chad was sweet and funny and.... _Chad. _Cyrus could almost feel the lightbulb turn on over his head.

_Chad Danforth_. The clearly _gay_ _basketball_ _player_ from High School Musical!

Cyrus sat down on his bed abruptly. It had to be him. Which meant... he had _feelings _for the guy who bullied Buffy off the basketball team.

Oh _fuck_.

What was he going to do? Cyrus fell backwards onto the bed, placing the heels of his hands on his eyes, pressing down. He had no idea how much time passed as he was lying there, thinking it over. It could be someone else, there was a chance... right? Someone else who just told people about his learning disability, who was scared of spiders, who named himself after a gay basketball player and recently had financial struggles. 

"Dammit!" Cyrus exclaimed and sat back up. He should probably tell him.

* * *

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 19 at 10:26 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Is Bambi jealous?

Hey Chad.

Dumplings with forks and long naps sounds like a good way to spend our time. And you decide when you tell your parents, not me or your sister. You'll know when the time is, trust me.

This is awkward, but I think I know who you are. I am sorry if this makes things weird.

\- Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 1:02 PM

SUBJECT: Really?

Wow. This is a big moment for us. Huh, I guess I haven't been as discreet as I thought I was. Sorry about that. However, I think I know who you are too. So just for fun, I am going to guess now.

  1. Your name has five letters.  
2\. Your hair is brown.  
3\. You sing in the halls sometimes.  
4\. You helped me clean up some spilled soda once.

Am I close?

\- C

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 1:31 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Really?

Chad,

  1. Yes, it does.  
2\. Yep.  
3\. Ah, not really.  
4\. Nope, definitely not!

I am sorry. I guess I am not who you were hoping for.

\- Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 1:50 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Really?

Oh damn, I started off so well!. Hehe, awkward.... :/ I am sorry! I hope this doesn't make things weird between us. Maybe you were wrong too? And it will all be funny?

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 2:26 PM

SUBJECT: Re: Really?

Don't worry, it's okay. Maybe? I've thought this over a lot. There has been a few hints and slips. Plus, I finally got your pseudonym. Chad Danforth, the gay basketball player, right?

\- Bambi

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 3:20 PM

SUBJECT: I'm sorry

You knowing who I am is weird, right? Like, we aren't in balance any more. Do you want me to guess who you are? Would that make it better? Or could you tell me? So that things aren't weird any longer... I am sorry for guessing wrong. I'm not that smart, not as smart as you

FROM: bambitater@gmail.com

TO: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 3:41 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I'm sorry

I am sorry too, TJ. I can't tell you who I am. I need some time. I'm sorry.

* * *

Cyrus blinked fast to stop the tears as he clicked send on the email. Chad - _TJ _he corrected himself - clearly had wanted someone else. Someone he knew already. Cyrus' throat was tight and he let out a shaky breath as he tried to adjust to this new knowledge. Except, Cyrus thought, it wasn't new. He had known this would happen, this was the exact thing he had feared. He wasn't someone TJ Kippen would like, and this proved it.

Cyrus looked at the picture of him, Buffy and Andi on his desk, and suddenly he felt guilty. Why did he even care if TJ liked him or not? TJ was mean, he was a bully. What would Buffy say if she knew? Cyrus bit down on his bottom lip and looked up in despair. He simply had no idea what to do.

He got up, and walked out of his room, making his way downstairs. His dad was reading a book, but looked up when Cyrus came in. "Hey kid," he smiled, putting the book down. He removed his reading glasses.

"Hey," Cyrus sat down next to him. His dad wrapped an arm around his shoulder right away.

"Something bothering you?" his dad asked.

"A bit, but I don't know if I wanna talk about it," Cyrus replied.

"That's okay. We can watch TV, or I can beat you in ping-pong?" his dad suggested.

"Ping-pong sounds good," Cyrus said, getting up. He grinned at his dad, "but I'm gonna win."

"We'll see kid," his dad replied smugly.

They played three games and Cyrus won two of them. Feeling better, and quite victorious, Cyrus went back upstairs. He needed to pack his things for later, when Sharon was driving him to his mom's house. He closed his pc without looking at it. He was done with the homework, and he was scared of what C - _TJ _would write back.

After packing, he went back downstairs. Sharon had made tea, and they all sat down around the coffee table. Cyrus' dad was doing a crossword puzzle now, and Sharon was doing a Sudoku. Cyrus scooted closer to her, and she moved the paper so he could see it too. Cyrus loved these afternoons, with the three of them. There was something so calming and peaceful about the silence, only broken by the scratching of a pen on paper. Occasionally he or Sharon suggested a number, and his dad huffed a few times, when he got a tricky word. Thoughts of TJ and the emails disappeared completely when Sharon found an even harder Sudoku for them, and Cyrus' brain got completely caught up with numbers and systems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuun! Cyrus figured it out! Poor TJ.
> 
> Thanks for reading!! What did you think? Lemme know! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for this chapter: public outing, homophobia (nothing worse than the movie tho), general anxiety.

It was a crisp Monday morning, with a clear sky and a sharp wind. Cyrus was glad he had decided to wear a scarf, but he should have brought gloves too. He had his hands in his pockets, while he walked up to the school. He walked past three girls, who were whispering intensely. A moment later he passed two guys who were laughing over something on one of their phones. He didn't question it, until he was inside the school. There was subdued and intense chatter everywhere. He heard people say stuff like "_did you see it?" _and "_Jack sent me screen shots", "It got taken down again, didn't you see it?"_ What was happening?

An uneasy feeling was spreading from his stomach and up through his chest. He tried controlling his breath as he walked towards his locker. Andi was standing there, waiting for him. Her face was pale and worried. _Oh no_.

"Cyrus, did you see it?" she asked. He shook his head and she sucked in a breath. "Someone posted screen shots of a conversation between two gay kids from school on _shadysecrets_, and they outed TJ!"

Cyrus felt all the blood leave his face, and he fell sideways into the locker, unable to control his body. His chest was hurting, like his heart was physically breaking into two parts. Andi's hands were on his shoulders immediately, and she was telling him to breathe. She squeezed his right shoulder, and even though it wasn't as calming as when his mom did it, it still helped him center himself.

"Do they know who the other kid is?" he asked, trying to sound like he wasn't dying of fear.

"No, I don't think so. It mostly called out TJ for being gay," Andi explained, rubbing circles on Cyrus' shoulder with her thumb. Relief washed through him and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Wow," he said, "did you read it?"

"I saw the post, but I didn't read the emails, I didn't want to snoop," she answered, and Cyrus didn't think he had ever loved or admired her more than in this moment. Buffy and Jonah showed up next to them, and it was clear on their faces, that they had either seen it or heard about it.

"I can't believe it happened," Jonah said, "who would do something like that?"

"I have no idea," Andi said.

"Cy, how are you?" Buffy asked, "I imagine it's a little too close for you."

Cyrus nodded, unable to speak. He was sure he would start crying if he did. Jonah and Buffy placed their hands on him, both of them looking deeply concerned. "Have any of you seen him? Do you know how he is?" Jonah asked. 

"Amber called me after she saw and reported it. TJ screamed at her and locked the door to his room. She was worried." Andi told them.

"Maybe he will stay at home," Buffy said, "I hope he's gonna be okay."

They all nodded. Cyrus wiped his eyes and took a deep breath. "We should get going," he said. The others watched him with worry. "Guys, I'll be fine."

He lied, he wasn't fine. He had never felt more confused, in fact he didn't think he had ever had this many feelings inside him at the same time before. He was relieved that he hadn't been outed, but he felt guilty for being relieved since TJ was actually outed. His heart was breaking for TJ, and he felt terrible for just having revealed knowing who he was and saying he needed space. He did need space though. TJ had bullied Buffy off the basketball team! How could Cyrus fall for a guy who had done _that_?! Another part of his brain protested. TJ was also sweet, helpful and funny. Cyrus sighed as he sat down. TJ had clearly wanted Bambi to be someone, and it wasn't Cyrus. That had hurt, a lot more than he wanted to admit.

There was no way he was going to pay attention today. He could tell the teachers had a hard time getting through to anyone, since most of them were whispering about the post.

Cyrus' pulse quickened whenever he heard someone giggle over it. He tried to control his breathing, but he was starting to get angry. Angry at the people who thought this was hilarious, and furious at the person who leaked their emails! Jonah was right, who would do such a thing?! Cyrus accidentally broke the tip of his pencil as he thought about it. Damn! He also couldn't deny the fact that he was a little annoyed that TJ somehow had let someone to see the emails.

* * *

Cyrus had to insist that Buffy, Jonah and Andi didn't walk around him like bodyguards on their way to lunch. They finally did what he asked, but Andi still locked her arm with his. They got their lunch, and looked around for a table.

_"Oh,_" Andi said. They looked at her. Her eyes were fixed on the corner of the cafeteria. Cyrus followed her gaze, and his stomach flipped. _TJ._ He was sitting alone, hunched over his tray. Where were his friends?

"Come on," Buffy said, and then she walked towards him at a determined pace. Cyrus didn't think he was going to be able to face him, but that didn't stop him from loving Buffy for this. They stopped in front of TJ, and he looked up at them. His hair wasn't gelled today, and he looked like he hadn't slept at all. Cyrus' heart felt like someone clenched it tightly, and he found it hard to breathe properly.

"I don't know who he is, _okay?!" _TJ snapped. Cyrus got the impression he had said it many times that day already. _It's me. I'm sorry. _

"Okay," Andi just said, and sat down across from him. The others followed her lead. Buffy and Jonah sat down next to TJ, while Cyrus sat down next to Andi. TJ dropped his gaze to his food and sighed. Cyrus couldn't stop staring at him. His hunched shoulders, the tense muscle in his jaw. How soft his hair looked as it fell down his forehead.

They ate quietly, not sure what to say. Cyrus supposed just sitting there helped. They showed him he wasn't alone. Suddenly there was a commotion in the middle of the room, and two boys Cyrus didn't know where standing on a table. One of them was wearing a basketball jersey and the other was wearing a purple feather boa and a fake mustache.

"Oh TJ, I love you!" the one in the boa said. A few people laughed.

"I love you too, let's be gay together!" the one in the jersey said, and then they made obnoxious kissing noises, leaning towards each other, even though they were still about a feet apart. The grip around Cyrus' heart tightened even more. He noticed movement in the corner of his eye, and turned his head. Buffy was on her feet, running towards the boys. Andi was right behind her.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Buffy yelled. Cyrus was genuinely worried she was going to shove them off the table.

"Stop it immediately!" Andi demanded. Cyrus looked back at the table, and saw that only TJ was left. Where was Jonah? TJ looked even paler, and his mouth was open slightly, while he watched Buffy and Andi scold the boys.

His eyes flickered to Cyrus', who held his gaze and smiled as reassuringly as he could. He could say it. He could say _I'm Bambi_ or maybe give a hint, like _Wanna go get a chocolate chocolate chip muffin? _The words were right there on his tongue. But something stopped him. This wasn't the right time to say it. TJ was confused and hurt, and there were people around them. Not to mention homophobe 1 and 2 in the middle of the room.

TJ's eyes were full of hurt and confusion. "I'm so sorry about this," Cyrus said. _I am sorry C, I'm sorry you have to wait for me_.

"Yeah." TJ said, making the saddest scoffing sound Cyrus had ever heard. Before he could say anything else, he heard people around them gasp. They both looked up, and Jonah was walking in, followed by Dr. Metcalf and the vice principal.

"Oh don't even try it!" Buffy's voice sounded, and Cyrus saw she had grabbed the guy with the boa's wrist before he could try to run away. The other guy had gotten further, but was stopped by someone else.

"Mr. Jackson, Mr. White, my office," Metcalf said, his voice smooth and cold. Even from this distance, Cyrus could see Buffy's smug smile as she waved at the boys.

Her and Andi walked back to the table. "I wanna kill those guys!" Andi said, clearly still boiling with anger.

"TJ," Jonah said, appearing next to them, "the vice principal wants to see if you're okay."

"Huh," TJ replied, standing up. He picked up his tray of uneaten food and walked away. Cyrus sighed. After a moment, he couldn't help but turn his head, and look after TJ as he walked out of the cafeteria. He felt tears appear in his eyes. As he turned his head back to the others, he saw Kira standing to the side. She was also staring after TJ, an unreadable expression on her face. Cyrus furrowed his brow. Weren't she his friend?

"I hope Metcalf kicks them out," Buffy said, sitting back down.

"I don't think I can eat anything right now," Andi mumbled, pushing her tray away, "I am too mad."

"You guys are heroes," Cyrus said, "you acted so fast."

"I don't know what happened, it was pure instinct," Andi said, sending him a small smile.

"I just..." Buffy sighed, opening and closing her fist, "I just kept thinking what I would do if it happened to you."

"Oh," Cyrus whispered, his heart feeling very full. A few tears spilled over, and he quickly wiped his cheek. "Thank you." Buffy wrapped an arm around his shoulders and leaned her head against his.

* * *

It was the weirdest day ever, and Cyrus went directly home and threw himself headfirst into his bed. He felt _exhausted _from all the emotions. He was still confused about what to do, but the look in TJ's eyes today kept haunting him. TJ looked like he was in deep water and needed something to hold onto. Cyrus wanted to be that something. He wanted to make everything better, but he was still so stupidly worried about disappointing TJ. Plus there was the whole Buffy thing, even though she seemed to hate him less. Cyrus grabbed his T-rex and held it close to his chest. He fell asleep like that, thinking about TJ's eyes. He woke up later, to his mom sitting down on the bed.

"Cyrus, honey, are you alright?" she asked gently. Cyrus rolled over and placed his head on her leg. He shook his head, and tears started spilling.

"Mom," he finally got out, "some kid got outed today at school, and two boys made fun of him in front of everyone." Then he fully started sobbing.

"Oh no, honey!" she replied. Cyrus lifted himself up, and she held him close and rocked him gently while he cried. He cried for TJ, for the loss of the emails, for how horrifying witnessing the bullying had been. He cried for it all. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but eventually his tears stopped flowing and his breathing got steadier. "You're okay," his mom whispered.

"It was just..." he whispered, not sure how to finish the sentence.

"Yeah," she said, "it must have been."

Cyrus let out a wet laugh. "You get it?"

"I speak Cyrus," she said, "you just rest here, okay. I can make some tea if you want? I'm going to call your dad and tell him about this."

"I'm just gonna sleep some more," Cyrus said.

He wasn't able to fall asleep though. Whenever he closed his eyes, he could see TJ sitting at the cafeteria table, looking lost and in need of help. He felt better after crying, but he still didn't know what to do. After lying there for what felt like ages, he decided he wanted tea after all. He got up and walked downstairs.

He could hear his mom on the phone. _"_\- yes I think so too. Cyrus was very upset, so I was considering calling them myself, but this helps - Yes, nothing less than a zero tolerance would be accepted - Yes. I am glad we agree. I like the school, and so does Cyrus."

He furrowed his brow as he walked into the kitchen. She looked at him and pointed at her laptop, which was standing open on the kitchen island. There was an open email from Dr. Metalf, telling the parents what had happened. Cyrus skimmed through it, paying attention to one passage.

_[...] I want to make it clear that homophobia and other discrimination is not tolerated at Jefferson Middle School. We have a zero tolerance policy, and there will be consequences for the two gentlemen involved. This sort of behavior is learned, and can be unlearned again. I advise you all to speak to your children about this sensitive subject. We _will_ also talk about it at school. _

Cyrus found his phone and opened their group chat. There was a lot of messages waiting for him, mostly discussing the email and the day's events.

**Cyrus**: sorry guys, i took a long nap when i came home. the day drained me.

**Andi**: makes sense. i talked to amber about it. apparently last night he came out to their parents.

Cyrus swallowed. Poor TJ, not having to come out on his own terms. His heart felt like it was about to break all over again. _I am sorry I wasn't there to support you through this. _He wanted to ask the others what to do, but that meant admitting he was Bambi and that was a longer talk. He needed the help though. Maybe he needed Buffy to tell him she had forgiven TJ and was cool with Cyrus liking him.

Cyrus sighed. He liked _TJ_. TJ Kippen. Still, the sting from when TJ guessed wrong was still there. Was it even fair of him to be upset about that, when TJ was going through something like this?

**Cyrus**: I feel so bad for him. how is Amber?

**Andi**: she's worried. trying to support him the best way possible, but she isn't sure how.

**Buffy**: makes sense. I vote we sit with him again tomorrow. He shouldn't feel alone.

**Andi**: i'm in. i think it would help him and bonus Amber will be less worried.

Cyrus definitely wanted to support TJ through this, but he felt like sitting down and pretending to be TJ's friend, without revealing he was Bambi, was lying to TJ's face. He really didn't want to lie.

His step-dad and mom made a quick dinner, and they didn't bother him about homework or anything. Cyrus sat between them on the couch and watched _Full House_ until he was tired enough to go to sleep. His mom even said she would let him stay at home tomorrow if he needed a day for his mental health. Cyrus thanked her, but said he wanted to go to school. He brushed his teeth carefully and gave himself a reassuring smile in the mirror. What a long day. Tomorrow was going to be better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY OKAY 
> 
> me, the whole time I was writing this: WHY am I doing this to TJ??? I don't like it!! WHY?!  
also me: it's in the book/film  
me: but.... TJ! :'( :'( 
> 
> If you wanna scold me for being mean to our boys, then either leave me a comment or find me on [tumblr](http://www.tutselutse.tumblr.com) ;) Thank you for reading!! <3


	9. Chapter 9

When the alarm clock rang, Cyrus wasn't sure where he was or what day it was. As he turned it off and looked around his room, it all slowly came back to him.

_TJ_.

The two boys.

Lying about being Bambi.

He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. _Uugh_. When he finally got up, he walked sluggishly to the bathroom, leaving his pajamas in a pile on the floor. He stood a little too long under the warm water, not ready to face the day. School really wasn't looking tempting, but Cyrus knew that staying at home with his thoughts would be worse. He needed his friends. He carefully buttoned his cardigan over his shirt and sighed. He had to tell Andi and Buffy about everything, so they could help him figure out what to do.

The weather outside had rainclouds dark and gloomy enough to match Cyrus' mood. Buffy and Andi were waiting for him just inside the doors. Andi was wearing a brightly yellow raincoat, which reminded Cyrus of a cartoon character or something.

"Hi," she said, looking worried.

"Hey guys," Cyrus said, "no need to look like that, okay? I am not about to break down or anything."

"Good," Buffy said, and smiled.

"I need baby taters today," Cyrus said, "so, the Spoon is a necessity."

"I agree," Andi said, and they started walking down the hall.

In English class, they spend half the time talking about discrimination, and why things funny to _you _might not be funny for marginalized people. Cyrus kept quiet and doodled in his notebook. He was happy the school responded like this, but he didn't want to participate. He was too nervous thinking about what to do. He wanted to talk to Buffy and Andi, but admitting to be Bambi was pretty scary.

At lunch they looked for TJ but he was nowhere to be seen. Cyrus felt very guilty for the sense of relief that washed through him. Facing TJ yesterday had been so hard. As they walked down to a free table, Cyrus saw Kira sitting alone, looking like she hadn't slept much.

No one said anything as they started eating. The silence was uncomfortable, there was a weird tension as they all avoided mentioning what happened yesterday.

"I started writing a new song," Jonah said after several minutes.

"Oh, cool," Cyrus said, looking up at him.

"Yeah," Jonah replied, smiling halfheartedly, "it's not done yet though."

"I look forward to hearing it," Andi said. Then they all fell silent again. After a few moments Buffy cleared her throat, but she didn't start talking. Cyrus played with the lid on his bottle and sighed

"How the basketball team?" Andi asked.

"Better, yeah. One day they'll win something," Buffy said. Another wave of awkward silence hit them all. Cyrus picked at his food.

"Oh my God this is the worst!" Andi exclaimed, practically throwing her fork down.

"I think we should just talk about it," Buffy said.

"My mom freaked out, but I think the email from Metcalf calmed her down," Cyrus said,

"Makes sense," Andi said, "I mean, if the school let stuff like that happen, I would get why she wouldn't want you to be here. Bex was pretty pissed."

"Yeah," Cyrus said.

"It made me glad too," Buffy said, "I was ready to protest. Like, even bigger than with the dresscode."

"Buffy the homophobia slayer," Jonah joked and they all giggled.

They discussed the incident more, and Andi texted Amber to hear if TJ was okay. She texted back, saying he was staying home for a day or two. After that, they seemed more able to talk about other things, and Cyrus felt his mood lighten.

* * *

At the Spoon, they ate baby taters and Andi told them about her parents being all sad over the wedding present Cece had bought them. Andi was still upset over the wedding being cancelled, but she was dealing with it. Cece was still furious though, so things between her and Bex weren't the best.

Cyrus fiddled with his straw and watched the rain pour down outside. He wanted to say it, but he was nervous. What would they think? Would they be mad at him for keeping it a secret?

"Guys, I need your advice," he said after taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, what is it?" Buffy asked, turning to look at him, curiosity in her eyes. Andi also looked at him expectantly from across the table, and his pulse quickened. He tried breathing deeply again, but it was hard. Oh no, he was panicking. _Oh no._

"Cy, breathe," Andi said. Buffy placed her hand on his arm. This was Buffy and Andi, they loved him and supported him. It was going to be okay.

"Actually, I should start by confessing something," he said, looking at his hands, "I... I am the person TJ has been emailing with."

Neither girl spoke, and when he looked up, they were gawking at him. He smiled sheepishly. "It's a long story, I actually didn't even know it was TJ until this weekend."

"I am _so _confused," Buffy said. She didn't seem mad though. She even smiled encouragingly at him. So he gave them a quick rerun of what had happened. The post on shadysecrets, the email accounts, and how nice it had been to have someone who knew what he was going through, but didn't know anything else.

"Wow," Andi said, "I am sorry you couldn't share all of this with us."

"It's not about not being able to share it, it's just... He - TJ was in the same situation. It was different," Cyrus tried explaining, "you guys have been the best at listening and supporting me through this. Truly."

"What happened?" Buffy asked, "yesterday he said he didn't know it was you."

"Well, I figured out it was him, and I told him. He tried guessing who I was, but he got it all wrong. I got the feeling he wanted me to be someone specific. So I was hurt, y'know? I told him I needed some time. Then the outing happened." Cyrus' lips quivered slightly as he spoke.

"Why haven't you _told him_?" Buffy asked, gesturing so widely, she hit him on the arm. Cyrus suspected it was on purpose.

"Because I hardly knew what to think!" Cyrus hissed, "I am emailing this sweet and funny and supportive guy and then I find he is the one who bullied you off the basketball team!"

"Oh." Buffy's jaw dropped again.

"You like him," Andi said suddenly, "you like _like _him." Cyrus responded by groaning and placing his head in his hands.

"Cy," Buffy said gently, "TJ was awful to me last year. But I don't hate him anymore. Tutoring him helped us both move forward. If you asked me last week, I definitely wouldn't have called him one of my favorite people. But if he likes you and treats you well, then I am ready to see him differently."

"_If,_" Andi repeating, smiling wickedly. It reminded Cyrus of Amber.

"I couldn't have come out to Jonah and my parents without his emails," Cyrus said, blushing slightly.

"That sounds like a nice and supportive boyfriend," Buffy said with a grin. Cyrus' blush immediately grew stronger.

"I don't know. He clearly wanted me to be someone else," he mumbled.

"There is only one way to find out," Buffy said matter-of-factly.

"You can ask him to join us at the carnival tomorrow," Andi suggested, "I could bring Amber."

"I don't know," Cyrus said. He was still convinced he would disappoint TJ. "Carnivals aren't exactly the place I make the best impression."

"Didn't Iris become your girlfriend after that?" Buffy quipped.

"Shhh."

"It's up to you, but if you like him and he likes you, then I really don't think you should let my history with him stand in your way," Buffy said, her voice softer and more serious. "I mean, he was a big asshole, but I guess undiagnosed dyscalculia and being in the closet can't be fun either. Maybe I get why he pushed people away."

"You don't have to make excuses for him," Cyrus told her. He meant it. He was glad that she wasn't holding a grudge, but she was still in the right.

"Oh, I won't." She smiled a classic Buffy-smile, the one that said _I will get what is owed me_.

"I can't believe you've been emailing TJ Kippen all these weeks," Andi said.

"Me neither," Buffy and Cyrus said at the same time, and then all three of them started laughing. 

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 20 at 8:16 PM

SUBJECT: Re: I'm sorry

I am sorry okay? Please just talk to me. Bambi, something happened and I need you now more than ever. I can't lose you on top of all of this.

* * *

The unread email from Sunday night nearly broke his heart. So before he went to bed, he reread some of their first emails, smiling to himself. His heart yearned for this person. For C, who made him smile and feel fluttery and who seemed to like everything Cyrus revealed about himself. A sudden realization hit him. This was who TJ was outside of school and a reputation as a mean basketball player. When he could be whoever he wanted, he was _this_. Supportive and funny and caring.

Cyrus licked his lips and took a sip of water. All this thinking was making his mouth dry. He liked _this_ TJ. Now the question was if he dared to meet TJ and see if he could be _this_ in person as well. Cyrus wanted to. He really did. He read more emails and felt his feelings grow warmer and stronger.

Maybe he could do it. He just needed to get over that last bit of fear.

He decided to stop pressuring himself more that day. He told Andi and Buffy, and that was one important step. Next was getting over the insecurity. He could do that tomorrow.

* * *

Cyrus woke up with a plan. He was going to email TJ. He didn't want to confess he was Bambi in school, in case TJ got mad at him for not saying anything Monday. He was going to write him an email when he came home, confess everything and then go to the carnival and hide with the others. Yes, this was a cowardly solution, but Cyrus couldn't bear to see disappointment in TJ's eyes. That would be too much for him.

TJ wasn't in school today either. It made the email idea seem even better. Things seemed to be settling down after the whole outing. Cyrus only overheard a few people gossip about who the other kid was.

"We'll meet at the carnival after we drop off our things, right?" Andi asked as they left the school.

"Yeah," Buffy agreed, "I want to win all the games."

"Is Amber coming?" Cyrus asked Andi.

"She's going with some friends," Andi shrugged. She looked like she wanted to mention TJ, but glanced at Jonah and bit her lip. Right, Cyrus should probably explain it to Jonah too.

"I'll probably be a bit late," Jonah said, "I have to stop by the Rooster and buy new strings."

"Cool, you can just text us when you're on your way," Buffy said. "See you guys soon!"

* * *

FROM: gimme.shelter@hotmail.com

TO: bambitater@gmail.com

DATE: Oct 23 at 11:36 AM

SUBJECT: You and me

Bambi,

I may not know your name, or the way you look. But I know you. And I like you. I like how you joke, I like how you always know what to say to make me feel better, how you care about your friends, and how you sometimes flirt with me. I can't imagine meeting you and not wanting to give you a hug and hold your hand. I know you Bambi, and I like _you_.  
I know I messed up, but I'm going to the carnival later, and I hope I see you there.

Love, TJ

* * *

Cyrus read the email over four times, his heart pounding in his chest. TJ liked him. He said he liked him!! He could feel the blush in his cheeks at all the praise. TJ had sent him an email, just like _he _had been planning to do. He needed to find him, to see him!

He was suddenly flustered from panic instead. Should he bring a muffin?

_What!? _NO.

No time. Should he change his shirt? He had that nice green button down? He ran to his closet. Where was it? What time was it anyway? When was TJ going to be there? _Okay, breathe_. He went over and reread the email again. Wow. It was so sweet. Wow.

He ran down the stairs and into the kitchen, almost slipping on the floor because of his socks. "Mom! I have to go to the carnival!"

"I'll take you in an hour, like we said," she said, not looking up from the papers in front of her.

"Please can we go now? I'm... late," Cyrus lied.

"Cyrus," his mom looked up, an eyebrow raised in warning.

"What's happening?" Todd asked behind him.

"I want to go the carnival," Cyrus answered.

"I can take you," Todd smiled, "go pack your things."

"Thanks!" Cyrus said loudly, and then he ran back upstairs to grab his phone, a scarf and his wallet. Ten minutes later, he was in the car with his step-dad. He tried not to seem rushed, but he couldn't help tapping his fingers and looking at his clock.

"You meeting someone?" Todd asked.

"Just my friends," Cyrus lied. _Just the boy I've been emailing and flirting with for weeks. _

"Ah," Todd said. He turned on the radio, and hummed along to the song. Cyrus looked at his phone again and thought about TJ.

Andi and Buffy were waiting by the entrance. Andi had changed to the fluffy pink jacket and Buffy had pulled her hair back, so she was ready for rides.

"Did you invite him?" Andi asked, when Todd was out of earshot.

"No, but he wrote me the sweetest email, and he is here somewhere," Cyrus replied, fighting the urge to scan the crowd behind the girls.

"Let's go find him!" Andi said, bouncing on her feet.

"It's okay, you guys go have fun," Cyrus said, "I need to do this alone."

"Cy, we might as well help you look," Andi said, "don't worry we won't embarrass you."

"Only a little," Buffy winked.

They walked into the carnival after getting a bunch of tickets, and Cyrus got worried. What was he going to say? Was he even going to find TJ? Man, having his phone number would make this so much easier.

"Is that Marty?" Andi asked suddenly. Yes, standing playing a game, was none other than Marty from the Party. Buffy touched her hair absentmindedly.

"Should I go say hi?" she asked them.

"_Yes!" _Andi and Cyrus replied in unison.

"I'll find you later," Buffy said, and then she walked towards Marty. Andi and Cyrus watched as she tapped him on the shoulder, and he looked at her. It didn't take long before the two of them were bantering like old times. Andi and Cyrus resumed walking, looking around. There was no sign of TJ, and Cyrus was trying his best to not lose his courage. It was a confined area, TJ had to be there somewhere. If only he knew TJ was staying in one spot, it would have been much easier.

"Andi! Cyrus!" someone yelled. Amber. She was waving at them from a candy floss stand.

"Go to her, I have to keep looking," Cyrus said.

"She might know where he is," Andi suggested. _True_. Cyrus just wanted TJ to know first, before Amber. He knew it was silly.

"Yeah, maybe," Cyrus said, "you can text me?"

"Fine." Andi rolled her eyes. Then she hugged Cyrus and whispered good luck.

He continued on his own. He had mentioned a merry-go-round once in the emails, so he went there to look. No TJ. He walked to the hot dog stand, but no TJ. He spotted some of the Space Otters, and Gus waved at him. Cyrus waved back. He didn't stop to talk though, he just kept walking. TJ wasn't by the Paris wheel either. Cyrus was just about to consider asking Andi to make Amber find him, when he turned a corner and saw TJ step onto the Tilt-A-Whirl.

His heart stopped for a moment.

This was it.

Of all the things TJ could be doing, it had to be the damn Tilt-A-Whirl. Cyrus took a deep breath and walked as fast as he could without running. Luckily there was no line. He gave a ticket and walked onto the ride, heading directly towards TJ.

"Can I sit?" he asked, a little out of breath.

TJ looked up, looking a little confused. "Sure," he replied, lifting the bar, so Cyrus could slide in next to him. Cyrus looked up at him expectantly. His hair was gelled again. He looked less haunted than Monday. That was good. TJ still looked confused.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Cyrus finally said. After a second TJ's eyes widened.

"It's _you_," he sounded like he couldn't believe it.

"Hi," Cyrus replied, smiling nervously. TJ started to smile, but before either of them could speak, the ride came to life, and started to spin around. Cyrus grabbed onto the bar, holding it so tightly his knuckles grew white. He focused on breathing. TJ seemed to try to stop the cart from spinning too hard, which Cyrus was thankful for. He felt nauseated and dizzy and he really _really_ didn't want to throw up in front of TJ after revealing himself.

Finally the ride stopped, and he pushed himself out of the cart, dashing towards the exit and to the nearest bench. He sat down, put his head between his knees and focused on taking deep breaths. _Everything is fine_, he told himself, _you're not spinning any more._

He heard footsteps next to him, and then someone sat down. "You okay?" TJ asked.

"I will be," Cyrus replied. After a moment, he felt a hand land on his shoulder tentatively. It helped, because suddenly Cyrus' pulse was racing for a completely different reason.

"Do you need anything?" TJ asked.

"No, no, just a minute," Cyrus said, starting to feel pretty embarrassed by his position. His face was going to be all red when he sat up! He exhaled deeply, feeling less dizzy. Okay, okay. He slowly lifted his head, making sure there was no sudden movements. He looked up at TJ, and couldn't help but smile.

"It's really you?" it came out like a question. TJ's eyes were bright, and Cyrus felt like he was being examined, but not in a bad way. It made him feel a little tingly, if he was being honest.

"It's really me," he replied, "you can ask me anything from the emails, if you want to check."

"Uh," TJ looked up as he thought, "what am I scared of?"

"Spiders," Cyrus grinned, "_and _you know all the lyrics to Rolling Stones."

"You're Jewish?" TJ asked.

"Yep," Cyrus popped the p.

"This is so..." -TJ grinned, shaking his head a little- " wow"

"I'm sorry, I know I am a few days late," Cyrus said, looking up at him earnestly. "I almost said something in the cafeteria on Monday."

"Oh! That's _fine_," TJ insisted, smiling wider. "I am just so happy you found me."

He scooted a little closer, and their knees touched briefly. Cyrus became a little lightheaded and overwhelmed. "I am really happy I found you too."

TJ was still looking at him like he was trying to memorize everything about him, and Cyrus felt so giddy, it was like his body was too small for all this happiness. He looked down, TJ's eyes on him being almost too much to handle. Their hands were close. Cyrus moved his own a little closer to TJ's, unable to stop himself. TJ's moved a little as well, and suddenly their pinky's were touching. Cyrus sucked in a breath and looked around them. There was some people, but not many. Few enough to make hand-holding okay? Cyrus wasn't sure.

"I can't believe you went on a Tilt-A-Whirl for me," TJ suddenly said. He was moving his pinky over Cyrus', and the feeling was making Cyrus' heart pound.

"I must really like you," Cyrus replied, feeling oddly brave from all the giddiness. Maybe this was how people felt when they were drunk?

"I wanna hold your hand," TJ said, looking nervously at Cyrus.

"So hold it." Cyrus looked down, and watched as TJ took his hand in his. Cyrus immediately intertwined their fingers. He hadn't been lying to Iris back then, it really was his favorite. TJ exhaled audibly, and their eyes met again. Both of them were unable to stop smiling.

TJ's hand was bigger than Cyrus', and his fingers were more calloused, probably from basketball. It felt nice and warm against Cyrus' palm. It was incredible, how out of breath he could become from sitting still, looking at TJ. Neither of them spoke.

The light changed slowly, becoming less bright and more soft. The noises from people laughing and talking buzzed around them. Cyrus wanted to say something, but he was worried it would break the spell. He settled for slowly moving his thumb back and forth against TJ's hand.

"It's really you," TJ sighed happily. Cyrus let out a little giggle.

"You keep saying that," he said through his smile.

"I should find Amber soon, but I don't wanna go," TJ said, "I wanna sit here all night."

"Me too. I mean, I don't have to find Amber, but I also can't sit here all night. Even though I want to," Cyrus rambled, "Wow, sorry. I guess you already understood what I was saying, I didn't have to elaborate."

"You're cute when you ramble," TJ said, smiling widely. Cyrus looked down _again_, feeling flustered. Neither of them wanted to let go, but finally TJ squeezed Cyrus' hand tighter, getting the last out of it before letting go. They stood up, and Cyrus had no idea what to do now. He brushed his hands on his thighs, flattening wrinkles that weren't there.

"I'm gonna go," TJ said, "we promised mom we wouldn't stay out too long."

"We'll see each other tomorrow, right?"Cyrus asked hopefully.

"We will," TJ said. He looked at Cyrus expectantly, and Cyrus acted out of instinct, pulling him into a quick hug. He bumped his chin on TJ's shoulder, and TJ clearly didn't know where to put his hands. It was still an amazing hug.

"See you," TJ said, and then he walked away. Cyrus remained where he was, watching him leave. After a moment, TJ slowed down and he looked over his shoulder, back at Cyrus. They smiled at each other and Cyrus waved. When he opened his phone, he had several texts from Buffy and Andi, asking if he found TJ or not. He wrote yes, and excitedly set out to find them and tell them what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING <3 
> 
> I decided I wanted the reveal like the book, because I didn't want everyone watching them. I also kept the 'I must really like you' dialogue bc, I mean, it's just so forking cute. 
> 
> What did you think?


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Cyrus was jittery and he kept blushing, whenever he thought about what happened. He was seeing TJ again! In school. Around others. It was pretty insane. He changed his shirt four times, unable to decide on what made him look the best. His mom kept giving him looks - sometimes having perceptive shrink parents really was a curse.

Cyrus was getting things from his locker when Andi and Buffy showed up, both girls grinning widely. They had both been very excited for him after he found them yesterday. Cyrus was about to ask the something, but then TJ walked down the hall, and he looked directly at Cyrus and smiled. He looked _good. _Cyrus returned the smile and stared after him, hoping he didn't look _too _longing.

"Go over and say hi," Buffy said, rolling her eyes. Damn, that meant he did look longing. TJ continued down towards his locker, so Cyrus shrugged at Buffy. "Go!" she insisted. He started walking, but then the bell rang. Next break maybe.

Only the next break, Dr. Metcalf was talking to TJ, holding a hand on his shoulder. Cyrus didn't want to disturb them, so he just walked past them instead. At lunch three basketball kids had joined TJ at his table.

"I should let him reconnect with his friends," Cyrus said to Buffy.

"I think you're scared," Buffy said, giving him a _you know I'm right _look.

"Maybe," Cyrus replied, poking his tongue out at her. Then he spotted Marty and nudged Buffy. She looked up and grinned. "Go to him," Cyrus said with a smug smile, repeating her words from earlier.

"Nah, it's fine," she said, "I'm seeing him later."

"Ooooh," Cyrus teased her.

"Shut up."

* * *

Cyrus was sitting at one of the tables outside of the school. He hadn't spoken to TJ yet, so he was trying to randomly be there when TJ walked out. Andi and Buffy sat down next to him. They started talking about something, but Cyrus just looked at the kids spilling out of the school. His stomach flipped when TJ finally walked out, talking to Marty of all people. Marty looked up, spotted Buffy and gestured for TJ to follow him.

"Driscoll!" Marty grinned.

"Marty from the Party," Buffy said, a playful smile on her face.

"Marty, it's been so long, how are you?" Andi asked. Cyrus was listening to them, but he was looking at TJ, feeling all bubbly inside when he stopped in front of him. He sent Cyrus a little smile.

"I'm good," Marty replied, "I've mostly been training for the marathon and hanging out with Rachel - my girlfriend."

Cyrus wanted to look at Buffy, to see how she was dealing with that information, but right that moment TJ pressed the tip of his sneaker against Cyrus' shoe, and Cyrus' heart pounded against his ribcage. Whatever answer Andi made was drowned out, and Cyrus blinked several times to stop himself from being too flustered.

"How was your day?" he asked TJ in a low voice, looking up at him through his lashes.

"Long," TJ said, chuckling nervously.

"Mine too," Cyrus replied, breaking into a smile.

"Should we-?" Andi's voice sounded, a little too loud for what was normal.

"_Yes_," Buffy said just as loud, and then they scrambled to their feet.

"What?" Marty asked. Cyrus looked at them just as Buffy grabbed Marty's arm and pulled him with her. "Later, guys!" Marty called, before turning towards Buffy and not very discreetly asking: "what was that about?"

Cyrus looked back at TJ and smiled. TJ was watching him with his head titled slightly. "I take it Buffy and Andi know?" he asked.

"Yes." Cyrus stood up. "They knew I looked for you yesterday and then of course they were curious whether or not I found you. I hope it's okay?"

"It's fine," TJ said, furrowing his eyebrows a little, "I guess that explains why they sat with me and defended me against those two guys."

"Oh, they didn't know on Monday," Cyrus corrected, "I told them Tuesday. About all of it."

"Huh," TJ said, clearly surprised that Buffy had looked out for him. After a moment he said "Do you wanna go to the swings?"

"Yes," Cyrus smiled. They walked in silence. Occasionally the back of their hands would brush, and every time Cyrus' breath would hitch in his throat. Holding hands yesterday had been so fantastic and new and exciting. He wanted it to happen again soon.

"How do you know Marty?" Cyrus asked instead.

"Oh, turns out I have several classes with him," TJ laughed awkwardly, "today he sat down next to me and just said _I got you, dude_. He was the first person today who didn't look at me like I was a fragile thing, about to break."

"Marty is a good guy," Cyrus replied, "I'm glad he did."

"It made several of the guys on my team come over and apologize for not sticking up for me," TJ said, "it was nice."

"I saw them at lunch," Cyrus said, before nervously adding, "I would have said hi."

"I wanted to say hi too," TJ said, looking down at Cyrus with warm eyes. They reached the playground and TJ put down his backpack next to the swings. Cyrus copied him. "I wanna hear your song," TJ said, a teasing smile on his face.

"Okay," Cyrus giggled, feeling weirdly nervous. He sat down on the swing and began: "_Legs go up, legs go down. That's how we make the swing go round. Drag your feet, you go slow, the more you drag, the less you go." _

TJ watched him with amusement. "That was even better than I imagined," he said. Then he walked over, so he could push Cyrus on the swing. "Do you mind?"

"No," Cyrus replied. TJ's hands shoved him and he began to swing higher. Cyrus let out a little shriek and he wasn't sure if it was from fear or excitement. Cyrus had a suspicion what TJ was going to do, and he didn't have to wait long.

"_Underdog_!" TJ yelled and then he ducked under the swing, pushing Cyrus up higher. This time it was definitely a shriek of fear that escaped his mouth, even though he _knew _TJ was going to do it.

"I can't believe you did that!" Cyrus tried scolding, but the dumb grin on his face probably ruined the effect. TJ stuck his tongue out at him and laughed. Cyrus dragged his feet, so the swing stopped. He stood up, still smiling. He put his hands in his pockets, not sure what to do.

"Oh!" TJ said and started rummaging through his bag, "I got us these. I hope they haven't been squashed."

Cyrus was pretty sure he knew what TJ was looking for. He was getting the impression TJ had put quite some thought into this. He was correct, TJ pulled out a brown paper bag and inside was two chocolate chocolate chip muffins. "They survived!" he exclaimed, grinning triumphantly at Cyrus.

Cyrus gestured to the bench near the pond, and TJ nodded. They walked there in silence, and Cyrus enjoyed the cool air and sunshine on his cheeks. They sat down, and TJ handed him a muffin. Cyrus looked through his own bag and found a pack of tissues. He smiled as he handed one to TJ. They ate their muffins, looking out at the water. Cyrus wanted to just enjoy the moment, but his insecurities kept nagging in the back of his mind. It seemed in spite of yesterday, he was still not completely over TJ's guess being someone else.

"You're... you're not disappointed it's me?" he couldn't help but ask. He knew it was dumb, and that TJ was showing no signs of disappointment, in fact kind of the opposite, but he still had to ask. He had to be sure.

"Disappointed?" TJ looked comically offended, before leaning forward. "Cyrus, no."

Relief washed through him, and he exhaled deeply. The relief was however quickly replaced by feeling like an idiot. Cyrus chuckled nervously, "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, I get it," TJ said, looking serious. After a moment he scooted closer and took a deep breath. "Remember that day at the Spoon when I was meeting Buffy?"

"Yeah?" Cyrus looked at him expectantly. He remembered being a little scared of TJ. That was _so_ long ago.

"Well, I looked at you, and you looked up at me and I kind of-" he laughed nervously, "I experienced what I think the internet refers to as _gay panic_."

"You - oh - why?" Cyrus had lost the ability to form a sentence, to shocked and flattered.

"All I could think was _cute_," TJ said, fiddling with his napkin. "I tried really hard to seem nicer the next time I saw you."

Cyrus opened and closed his mouth a few times, probably looking like a fish in the process. _Cute_. TJ thought he was cute! He suddenly felt a lot more confident and moved closer to TJ, so they were sitting with their shoulders brushing. "So you fell for my good looks then?" he joked. TJ bumped their shoulders together.

"Shut up," he said.

"For the record, the second time we met, I thought to myself that you were good-looking," Cyrus said, "It confused me a little."

"So it worked?" TJ laughed.

"Yeah it did," Cyrus said and he reached over, grabbing TJ's hand. He gave it a squeeze. They fell silent again, and this time Cyrus was able to fully enjoy it. Holding TJ's hand was probably one of the greatest things in the world. It might even be better than milkshakes and baby taters.

"Yesterday when I came home, I thought of so many questions I wanted to ask you," TJ said, "but now I can't remember them at all."

"Questions?" Cyrus asked him.

"Yeah, I'm really curious about you. There are so many things we couldn't say in the emails," TJ explained.

"Ah," Cyrus nodded, "I am curious about you too."

"You can ask me anything," TJ said.

"Did you seriously play _my heart will go on_ just to make your mom cry?" Cyrus asked, grinning mischievously.

"Argh, I wanted to impress you." TJ grimaced, looking adorably embarrassed. "Yeah I did. I was learning piano and I had much more patience for it than my sister. Somehow I found the notes to it and started practicing and my mom totally teared up the first time I played it. So, I wondered if it would happen again, and it did."

Cyrus laughed, leaning closer to TJ. "Wow, you _were _terrible."

"I _know_," TJ groaned before laughing lightly. "I am assuming you are fond of baby taters, given your email name and how much you hang out at the Spoon, but is it your favorite food?"

"Probably," Cyrus said, thinking it over, "but also these muffins."

"Can't forget the muffins," TJ grinned, "how long have you been friends with Buffy and Andi?"

"Since second grade," Cyrus replied. Before TJ could say anymore, he continued. "My turn! What does TJ stand for?"

TJ shut his mouth abruptly and looked away. Cyrus hadn't expected that reaction. "Anything except _that_."

"You won't tell me _your name_?" Cyrus' couldn't help the tone of his voice. TJ's reaction was making him insanely curious.

"There are only five people who know it, and they are all named _Kippen,_" TJ said. He was blushing. It was quite endearing.

"Okay," Cyrus said, "I'm not going to pressure you to say it, if you don't want to." He didn't want to rock the boat too much this early in their relationship. Was it a relationship? They were holding hands second day in a row, so it was _something_. He gave TJ's hand a reassuring squeeze, hoping to communicate that it was fine.

TJ squeezed back, and Cyrus pushed their knees together, enjoying how they were touching in several places. After a moment, TJ cleared his throat. "_If _I tell you, you gotta promise you'll never use it _or_ tell anyone You gotta swear."

"I won't. I swear!" Cyrus said earnestly, looking up at him with excitement.

"Okay," TJ sighed before moving his torso, so he was facing Cyrus directly. He lowered his voice. "My parents are way into music, and they named me for their favorite artists."

"That's not so strange," Cyrus tried reassuring him.

"TJ stands for.... Thelonious Jagger." TJ was wincing as he said it. He watched Cyrus carefully, clearly expecting him to laugh.

"_Thelonious Jagger_," Cyrus repeated, completely in awe. It was TJ's name, and it was amazing! "That is a _great_ name! I love that name."

"You do?" TJ looked disbelieving, but there was a smile slowly appearing.

"Yes," Cyrus insisted. He really did.

"My grandparents didn't, they said it was ridiculous, so I've been TJ since I was three days old," TJ said. He was visibly relaxed now.

"Thelonious," Cyrus said the name again, trying out how it felt to say. TJ ducked his head down, like he was flustered. Cyrus caught him smiling though. "Thank you for telling me," he said softly. He was going to say some more, but he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

It was a text from Buffy. _We're meeting up at the Spoon. Bring loverboy._

Cyrus snorted as he read it. He showed it to TJ and asked "Wanna join?"

"Yeah," TJ answered, looking determined. Cyrus texted her back, using just the one hand because he didn't want to let go of TJ.

* * *

They were nearing the Spoon, and TJ was starting to look nervous. Cyrus stopped walking, and pulled him to the side. "You okay?"

"Nervous," TJ said, looking at his feet.

"Hey," Cyrus said, putting his hand under TJ's chin, and lifting his head. "You'll be okay. They aren't mad at you or anything." The soft look in TJ's eyes could have melted him on the spot. Cyrus inched his feet a little closer. "I hope I was clear today and yesterday, by the way. I like you a lot. I am here for you."

"Thanks," TJ said, smiling softly. "That helped."

"I've been told I'm good at that," Cyrus grinned, unable to stop himself.

"Definitely," TJ returned his grin. They began walking again, and TJ intertwined the tips of his fingers with Cyrus'. It was a nice way to be in contact without holding hands too obviously.

Buffy was sitting in a booth already, looking at her phone. Cyrus crawled in first, and TJ followed. Buffy looked up, and the biggest grin spread across her face. "Hi," she said, her eyes gleaming playfully. Cyrus fought the urge to kick her under the table.

"Where's Marty?" he asked instead.

"He'll be back. Andi and Jonah are on their way," she replied.

"Buffy," TJ said. Cyrus took his hand under the table, intertwining their fingers.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"I'm sorry about everything last year. I was a mean jerk to you, and you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me." TJ said. Cyrus' heart was swelling in his chest. He was so proud.

"Thank you for saying that," Buffy smiled, "that means a lot."

"Well done you guys," Cyrus said. The door to the Spoon opened and suddenly Andi was joining them, sitting next to Buffy. She ran her eyes over TJ and Cyrus' position and smiled widely.

"And I am sorry about that other apology I did, it wasn't really genuine." TJ added.

"It wasn't?" Buffy asked, looking confused. Cyrus looked at TJ - what was that about?

"No, I..." TJ took a deep breath, "I was trying to make you less mad at me, so I could bring Kira along."

"Uh... _what_?" Buffy asked.

"I was upset about the tutoring, so I logged into the computer in the library to write an email for Bambi - I mean Cyrus - and I guess I forgot to log out. Kira went up to me two days later and told me she saw the emails and wanted me to help her return to the girls basketball team."

Cyrus was frozen in his seat as he listened to TJ talk. He was afraid to move. He hadn't known this. Why hadn't he known this?! _Poor TJ_. Buffy was listening intently and Andi was covering her mouth with her hands.

"I guess I wasn't very good at it," TJ chuckled humorlessly, "and she was getting mad at me. I honestly had no idea how I would do it, I just hoped you'd get along at some point or something. Anyway, when she found out I helped you train them, she got mad I guess, and posted the screen shots."

Cyrus was unable to breathe. Kira outed TJ. She _blackmailed_ him and _outed_ him!!! His blood was boiling and he wanted to kick something! Buffy looked just as angry, but Andi just looked horrified. She leaned forward and took TJ's other hand in both hers. "I am so sorry you went through that!"

"Thanks," TJ said. He sighed, and Cyrus could see his shoulders relax, like he was finally free of a weight holding him down.

"I had no idea," Cyrus whispered, finally able to speak. His whole body was still strumming with anger.

"I kind of hid it from you," TJ said in a low voice, tightening his grip on Cyrus' hand. He gave Cyrus an apologetic look, so Cyrus squeezed him back.

"She's truly awful!" Buffy sneered, "_now_ she's never getting on the team."

"She seemed very shocked when those boys teased me," TJ said, "she tried talking to me, saying she hadn't known it would happen. I told her to fuck off."

"_Good_," Andi said coldly, letting go of TJ. "I hope she stays away from you from now on."

"You shouldn't apologize for all of that," Buffy said, "you get a free pass on account of the whole being blackmailed thing."

"I'd say," Andi mumbled.

"TJ!" a voice sounded, and then Amber was in front of them, "have you ordered yet?"

"Do we need to?" Andi asked with a playful smile. Amber giggled and shoved her arm lightly. They all ordered, and then Amber pinched TJ's cheek.

"You two look cute together, by the way," she said and winked at Cyrus. Buffy and Andi started laughing. This helped lighten the mood. TJ whispered he hadn't told Amber about Kira, and wanted to keep it that way. Andi mimed locking her lips and throwing away the key. Cyrus was still angry, but he decided to deal with it later. He was sitting here with his friends and TJ and he didn't want _Kira _to ruin that.

Jonah and Marty showed up at the same time, and pulled up chairs. TJ let go of Cyrus hand, and instead placed his arm on the headrest behind Cyrus, leaving his hand dangling down so his fingers were brushing against Cyrus' shoulder. Marty's eyes fixated there immediately, and he smiled approvingly at Cyrus. They talked about school and the upcoming weekend. Buffy asked Cyrus and TJ if they had any plans, and Cyrus looked up at TJ.

"I'm not sure yet," Cyrus said, "it might be my turn to plan a date." Sitting this close had the clear benefit of making him able to see TJ's ears get a little redder.

"You'll have to start planning now," TJ teased, "if you want it to be better than what I planned."

"You went for the obvious choices," Cyrus replied and elbowed him teasingly.

"Oh my God, I can already tell you guys are going to be disgusting to be around," Buffy pretended to be grossed out. At least Cyrus assumed she was pretending.

"I _think_ you mean adorable," Cyrus winked at her.

"Wait - are you a couple?" Jonah asked, looking back and forth between TJ and Cyrus. Andi and Buffy groaned and Marty laughed.

"Yeah," Cyrus said, for a moment worried he was going too fast, they hadn't exactly discussed being _boyfriends_ yet. TJ let his arm fall down, so he was holding Cyrus shoulders and held him a little closer. _Definitely a couple_.

"What about the guy you were emai- _oooooh_," Jonah smiled as the realization hit him. "That's great!"

"You might even say it's _docious magocious,_" Buffy teased. Jonah rolled his eyes at her.

"Docious magocious?" Marty repeated in confusion.

"It's just something I used to say when I thought something was awesome," Jonah replied, "Buffy never liked it." Clearly that was the wrong thing to say, because Marty started smiling like the Cheshire Cat, looking over at Buffy.

"_Docious magocious,_" he and TJ said in unison.

"What did you do?" Buffy asked Jonah, while TJ and Marty high-fived. Andi and Cyrus' eyes met and then they started laughing. Buffy huffed and crossed her arms. Cyrus leaned against TJ just as Amber showed up with their order.

"So, Halloween is coming up," Andi said, looking at Cyrus and TJ, "you guys gonna do a couple costume?"

They looked at each other, both grinning. "Maybe?" Cyrus replied, not ready to look away again. TJ's smile got softer.

"Like I said: disgusting," Buffy's voice sounded, a bit far away.

"I think they're cute," Andi said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! <3 <3   
I re-used some bench scene dialogue, bc I can't help myself. I loved writing the whole 'date' thing. It's so great to FINALLY have them interact in real life!   
Let me know what you think :D :D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, y'all. I'm sad it's over. I have written almost 6k this time though...  
Thank you so much to everyone who have given kudos, commented and bookmarked, you are the best!!! I give you all the hugs and baby taters! <3

_4 weeks later_

* * *

It was Friday night, and Cyrus was in his dad's living room, reading a book. It was getting late and Sharon had fallen asleep to the TV, like she always did. Cyrus' eyes were getting tired, so when he reached a chapter, he placed his bookmark and put down the book. He got up, picking up his tea mug. He poured the leftover tea down the kitchen sink and placed the mug in the dishwasher.

He walked up to his room and changed to his green dinosaur pjs. He grabbed his phone from the charger and took it with him into the bathroom. He started brushing his teeth, watching himself in the mirror. He did look tired, and his hair was messy on one side after laying on the couch.

He was rinsing his teeth when his phone rang. He smiled to himself as he picked it up. Perfect timing.

"Hey," he answered, holding the phone in between his shoulder and ear.

"Hi underdog," TJ's voice sounded. Cyrus quickly opened the tap and washed the remaining toothpaste out of his toothbrush.

"You have impeccable timing, I _just_ finished brushing my teeth," Cyrus said, placing the toothbrush in the holder.

"I just said goodnight to Amber - she says hi by the way," TJ replied. Cyrus walked into his bedroom and sat down on the bed.

"How was your day?" he asked.

"It was good - I missed you," TJ said, "I haven't seen you since school."

"It's not my fault you have other friends," Cyrus teased. After a moment he added, "I missed you too."

"I am excited to see you tomorrow," TJ said.

"Yeah, it's going to be fun," Cyrus replied, looking over at his suit. It was on a hanger in front of his closet.

"Can you explain the situation to me again?" TJ asked, chuckling lightly, "it's a wedding party, but not a wedding?"

"Yes," Cyrus said, smiling to himself. He scooted further back into his bed and crawled under the duvet. He explained the whole thing to TJ again. "Andi's parents were getting married, but then they decided not to. Except maybe it was only Andi's mom who didn't want to."

"Right, but they are married now?" TJ asked.

"Yes," Cyrus said. He told TJ about how, a week after the carnival, Andi had sent him a picture of Bex and Bowie exchanging wows in a beautiful setting outdoors. It had been a quiet, private ceremony, and apparently Bex had surprised Andi, Cece _and_ Bowie with the ceremony. "But then Cece pointed out that they already had planned most of a party, so maybe they could throw it anyway."

"Andi's family sounds interesting," TJ said with a laugh.

"Yeah, they are great," Cyrus said fondly.

"Sounds like it," TJ said, "I'm glad they invited me."

"Me too," Cyrus replied. There was a soft knock on his door, and then his dad poked his head inside.

"Goodnight Cyrus," he said, smiling.

"Goodnight Dad."

"Don't stay up to late," his dad smiled, "say hi to TJ from me."

"Dad!" Cyrus said, blushing. His dad just laughed, and clapped the doorframe before closing the door. He opened it again right after, and pointed at the ceiling light. Cyrus nodded, leaning over and turning on his nightlight, just as his dad turned off the ceiling lamp.

"Sorry about that," he said to TJ. "My dad says hi."

"Oh, hi Mr. Goodman," TJ replied.

"He's gone now," Cyrus said, sliding further down into the bed, so he was on his back.

"Is it weird that I call you every night?" TJ asked.

"No - I like it," Cyrus said.

"Oh, something weird happened," TJ said, sounding nervous, "Kira sent me an email. To our email address."

"What!?" Cyrus sat up abruptly.

"Cy, relax," TJ said, "she just wrote about how she realized she had taken something important from me - my control over coming out -and how horrible it was of her. She genuinely seems like she feels bad. She said she understands if I don't forgive her, but she wanted to apologize anyway."

"Huh," was all Cyrus could say. He still hated her with a fiery passion. He wasn't sure he had ever hated anyone as much before.

"Yeah," TJ mumbled.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I don't know," TJ's voice was soft, and the anger slowly fizzled out of Cyrus, and he let himself fall back into the bed. "She isn't a nice person, but I guess it's good she realized what she did was terrible."

"Yeah. I guess there's hope after all," Cyrus muttered sarcastically. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry, I just feel very protective of you."

"Awww, that's so gay," TJ teased.

"Well fellas, if it's gay to have a boyfriend and care about him, then I guess I'm gay," Cyrus joked. TJ laughed.

"I like you so much," he said when he finally stopped.

"Now who's gay?" Cyrus teased, unable to keep from laughing himself.

"It's _meeee_," TJ said proudly, before giggling. He didn't giggle often, which made it even better when he did. Cyrus hadn't told him, in case it would make him self-conscious, but it was one of his favorite TJ things.

"On a serious note though," Cyrus cleared his throat, "I'm glad she apologized. I hope you know that just because she apologized, that doesn't mean you have to forgive her."

"Thanks Cy," TJ said earnestly. Even though they weren't in the same room, for a moment Cyrus still felt like they were right next to each other. "You're right. I'm not going to answer the email right now. I wouldn't know what to say."

"You're a sweetheart," Cyrus said, before he could stop himself.

"Sssshh, no one can know," TJ joked.

"Okay, I'll keep this secret for you," Cyrus replied. Ugh, why did his voice sound so sticky sweet? Buffy was right, they were disgusting.

"Thanks Bambi," TJ said.

"I wanna keep talking to you, but I should sleep," he said, and then, as if on cue, he started yawning.

"You're so cute, when you're tired," TJ said.

"Mhmm," Cyrus said, snuggling down into his bed, "keep talking while I fall asleep."

"You're just using me for my soothing voice, aren't you?" TJ asked in mock-surprise.

"You got me," Cyrus mumbled. TJ started talking about something at basketball practice. Cyrus hummed in response, feeling his eyelids grow heavier. Before he completely dozed off, he managed to say "_Goodnight Teej_."

"Goodnight Cyrus," TJ whispered back. Cyrus was out before he had hung up.

* * *

The wedding party was held in a small venue at the edge of town. Cyrus readjusted his dark blue tie as he walked up to the door. It was really cold outside, so he was walking at his fastest pace. Andi was standing just inside, and she lit up when she saw him.

"Cyrus!" she said, and pulled him into a big hug. Cyrus rested his chin on her shoulder and tightened his grip around her for a moment. "Let's go inside, Jonah will be here in a second. He's hiding... something."

_Ah,_ their secret thing. They had been whispering a lot and hanging out just them leading up to the party.

"Oooh," Cyrus grinned at her. She looked positively radiant, in her baby blue dress and silver shoes. He noticed her eyes were darker and more gleaming than usual. This was clearly an emotional day for her already. Cyrus took her hand in his. They walked into the room of the party. There was a few round tables covered in white and golden cloth, with the CD decorations as centerpieces. There was flowers and balloons near a small band stage.

"It's beautiful," Cyrus said. Andi squeezed his hand. Jonah appeared, and Cyrus let go of Andi to hug him.

"Who else is coming?" Jonah asked, looking around the room.

"Bex invited some friends from cosmetic school and the Renaissance Boys are coming. Bowie is so excited about that. Cece has a friend coming, and then some of the relatives. Oh and then you two, Amber, TJ and Marty." Andi listed.

"What does Marty's girlfriend think of him going to a wedding with Buffy?" Jonah asked.

"Haven't you heard? She broke up with him after she saw him around Buffy _once_," Andi said.

"Makes sense, doesn't it?" Jonah said with a knowing smile.

"It does?" Andi asked, looking intrigued.

"Come on, Andi, you have eyes," Jonah said, and then he laughed to himself. Cyrus nearly started laughing at the expression on Andi's face. It wasn't every day Jonah Beck told you that you weren't perceptive enough. Before she could reply, there was sounds from the door, and then Buffy walked in. One side of her hair was pinned down, and she was wearing a pretty red dress. She grinned when she spotted them.

She hugged Andi tightly when she reached her, before doing a bro-hug with Jonah and wrapping her arm around Cyrus. "The place looks great!" she said, looking around her. Cyrus leaned against her.

"Thanks," Andi beamed.

More people arrived, and Andi moved away to greet them. Buffy and Cyrus and Jonah walked around the tables to see their seating. They had a table all to themselves, only missing Andi, who was sitting with her parents. Cyrus was delighted to see he was sitting between TJ and Buffy.

Buffy grabbed his arm, and he looked up. Walking through the door was Amber, TJ and Marty. Cyrus' jaw dropped. TJ looked _good_. Like, way too good. Who had given him permission? His suit was nice, and he was wearing a freaking butterfly. How adorable! However, the thing that left Cyrus speechless was his hair. It was still styled, but instead of gelled back, it was soft and a little floofy. Then, as if TJ didn't look enough like a hair model already, he actually ran a hand through it.

Cyrus let out a noise from the back of his throat. Buffy started laughing next to him. "You okay there, Cy?" she asked smugly.

"_No,_" he replied, unable to look away from his boyfriend. He wasn't sure he was going to be able to survive the wedding when TJ looked like _that_. Buffy cackled at his response. "You're lucky Marty isn't that cute. You won't experience this struggle," he teased her, finally tearing his eyes away from TJ.

"Okay, first of all, Marty is super cute," Buffy said, crossing her arms, "and second, I don't get starry eyed like you, so of course I won't have that problem." Her gaze went past him, and she sighed. Cyrus followed her gaze. Marty, in a suit, talking to Amber. 

Now Cyrus started laughing. "I'm sorry," he said, "Marty _is_ cute in that suit."

"Uh-huh," Buffy nodded, still distracted.

"So he's single now," Cyrus elbowed her in the side.

"Yeah," she sighed, "he told me he thinks we work best as friends. Ugh."

"I'm sorry," Cyrus said, rubbing her arm. She sighed.

"Guess I missed my window," she said.

"I am not so sure, Rachel saw him around you once and broke up with him," Cyrus repeated Andi's words, trying to comfort Buffy.

"I don't know," Buffy shrugged, "we'll see."

"Let's go over and say hi to them," Cyrus said with determination, grabbing Buffy's hand and pulling her along. TJ turned and looked at them as they approached, and he smiled softly. He poked Marty, who turned his head and, when he spotted them, got this wide sunshine-y smile on his face. There was no way he wasn't into Buffy. Cyrus would bet his mom's house on it.

Cyrus didn't have time to ponder Marty and Buffy anymore though, because he had a good-looking boyfriend to hug. TJ wrapped his arms around him and leaned his head on Cyrus'. "Hey," he whispered.

"Hey yourself," Cyrus whispered back. They squeezed each other tighter for a moment, before letting go. Cyrus looked up at TJ. He really had the prettiest damn eyes in Shadyside. There was a hint of a blush in TJ's cheeks, and a few locks of hair had fallen onto his forehead.

"I don't think I was mentally prepared for how good you look in a suit," TJ said in a low voice. Cyrus blushed deeply.

"Pfffh," he responded, unable to form any real words. He reached up a hand and brushed one of the locks out of TJ's face.

"Amber styled it - what do you think?" TJ asked nervously.

"I _really _like it," Cyrus replied, and his voice came out all weird and hoarse. TJ smiled shyly and Cyrus cleared his throat. "My brain might have momentarily stopped working when you came in. You can ask Buffy."

"It's true," Buffy's voice piped up, "he made a noise. It was hilarious."

TJ began laughing, and Cyrus shoved him playfully. "Stop it. I'm allowed to appreciate the fact that my boyfriend is good-looking."

"Kippen, if you're done staring lovingly at Cyrus, some of us would like to say hi to you," Buffy said. TJ gave Cyrus' arm a squeeze before turning to Buffy.

"Driscoll, always a pleasure," he grinned and hugged her. Cyrus hugged Amber and did a fist-bump with Marty. He made the others laugh by saying _balalala _afterwards.

"Martaaaay!" Jonah's voice sounded, "Teejaaay!"

"Jonaaaah!" they both replied. He was jogging towards them and practically threw himself at them both. Buffy and Cyrus exchanged _looks_.

"Watch my suit," Marty said with a playful smirk.

"Watch _my _suit," Jonah replied, shoving him lightly, so he bumped into TJ.

"Hey, watch my suit," TJ said with a grin, shoving Jonah. All three of them started snickering, and then a small shoving-fight began. Buffy rolled her eyes at Cyrus, before turning towards Amber.

"Well, that could go on forever. Wanna see where we are sitting?" she asked.

"Yeah, let's leave these dumbasses to themselves," Amber said, reaching out to Cyrus and hooking her arm around his. Cyrus glanced back at the three boys as he walked away. The weird friendship they had developed in the past few weeks was equal parts sweet and disastrous. It turned out TJ, Marty and Jonah had just enough dumb reckless boy energy between them to override their collective brain cells.

Cyrus returned his attention to the girls next to him. Amber's long hair was cascading in soft waves, and she was wearing a pink dress. "You look great," Cyrus told her. She smiled in response, and tightened her grip around his arm.

"Thanks," she said, "it's nice with an excuse to dress up."

"Definitely," Cyrus replied, "oh and good job with TJ's hair."

"I knew you would like it!" Amber laughed. They had reached the table and Buffy was looking back at the three boys.

"They are so dumb," she said. Cyrus glanced back at them. They were still pushing each other, like they were doing their own little mosh-pit.

"Why do we like them again?" Cyrus asked. Buffy laughed.

"I have no idea," she said, making eyes at him.

"Andi!" Amber interrupted, looking over at the door. Andi and Cece had just entered the room again, talking to a couple of men carrying instruments. Cyrus suspected they were that band Bowie used to play with. Andi looked up and spotted them looking at her. She got this big smile on her face, and waved at them. Amber waved back, and when Cyrus looked at her, he noticed there was a small flush in her cheeks.

"Oh no," Buffy said, pointing. _Yikes_, Cece had spotted the three dumbasses and was marching over there.

"Should we..?" Cyrus asked. He mostly wanted to stay away - Cece was scary!

"I think they can handle it," Buffy said. Her tone wasn't convincing, but Cyrus didn't question her. Remaining by their table was the best solution. Cece had reached the boys by now, and she was definitely stomping her foot and scolding them. Andi was next to her, and she looked like she wanted to start laughing.

The three of them nodded and when Cece turned away from them, they quickly walked off, in the direction of Cyrus, Buffy and Amber. Andi followed them, still grinning. TJ was smiling sheepishly, as he wrapped his arm around Cyrus' shoulders.

"Woops," he winced, and Cyrus let out a little laugh.

"Amber!" Andi said, stopping in front of her. "Hi! I am so glad you're here."

"Me too," Amber said, smiling brighter than Cyrus had ever seen her smile, "and hi to you too." They both giggled and then hugged each other clumsily. Cyrus glanced at TJ, who had a thoughtful look in his eyes. He caught Cyrus looking, and sent him a smile, while he shrugged.

"I think everyone has arrived, so we'll announce them soon," Andi said, before giving Jonah a look. He nodded knowingly, and then they walked off together.

"I'm really curious about what they are up to," Buffy said, looking a little impatient.

"You're always curious about things," Marty said with a grin.

"Shut up," Buffy said, bumping their shoulders together. Marty looked down at her, with a warm gleam in his eyes.

"Ah, you think I am right," he said confidently. Buffy scoffed, getting the competitive look in her eyes. The two of them continued bantering, and Cyrus tuned them out, looking back up at TJ instead. It had only been a few weeks, since he found him on the Tilt-A-Whirl, but they were already so comfortable together. TJ just made him feel _good_, deep into his bones. Things that used to stress him out, where much more manageable now, when TJ was there, believing in him. He had helped through the emails too, but it was so much more now.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Andi's voice sounded from the stage, "let me introduce to you: Mr. and Mrs. Mack."

Bowie and Bex entered the room and there was a collective _awww _from the guests. Bowie was wearing a nice tux and Bex's dress was gorgeous. Her hair was curling down to one side. They were the most beautiful pair, smiling as they walked up to their table.

"Her dress is beautiful," Amber whispered to Cyrus and TJ, who nodded.

"We would like to ask the bride and groom to the dance floor, for their first dance," Andi said in the microphone. Bex and Bowie looked at each other and in confusion at the band friends. Then, taking each other's hands, they walked to the dance floor. The guests followed them, forming a half circle around the dance floor. Jonah had appeared on the stage, holding his guitar. Andi squeezed his arm, before stepping down. She hugged both her parents before joining Cece in the half circle.

"Bex, Bowie," Jonah said in the microphone, "congratulations." Then he strummed the guitar and started playing. Cyrus didn't recognize the melody, but based on the look Bex and Bowie exchanged, it meant something to them. "_You, girl, are the answer and the question_," Jonah sang, and they began to dance. They mostly swayed, stepping around in a little circle. They were completely lost in each other's eyes.

Cyrus felt tears prickle in his eyes. TJ had let go of his shoulders, but now his fingers intertwined themselves with Cyrus'. The song picked up intensity a little.

_"You're my now and my forever, say we'll always be together," _Jonah sang, and TJ squeezed Cyrus hand tightly. Cyrus looked up at him and mouthed _always._

Bex and Bowie kissed as Jonah strummed the final note. Andi walked back onto the dance floor and wrapped her arms around them both. Cyrus glanced at Buffy next to him, who had tears in her eyes just like him. She smiled, and they leaned their heads against each other. This meant so much to Andi, and Cyrus knew they both felt lucky to witness it.

Even TJ had to wipe away a tear, as they walked away again. Cyrus bumped him playfully and TJ laughed. Waiters had started bringing in food onto the buffet, and there was flutes with something sparkly on the tables. Marty and Buffy had already picked up their glasses.

"Ooh, this is good sparkling cider," Marty said after taking a sip, "noiiice!"

"What, are you some sparkling cider expert now?" Buffy asked with a smirk.

"As a matter of fact, my dear Buffy, I am," Marty grinned. TJ and Cyrus picked up their own glasses and clinked them together. Cyrus always felt fancy drinking from champagne flutes.

"Ah, yes, _delicious_," he said in his best posh-voice, lifting his little finger.

"Dork," TJ laughed.

"Cyrus!" a voice said behind them. He turned around to see Bex there, smiling widely. She held out her arms and gave him a hug. "I am so happy you could be here."

"I am very happy you invited me. Well, us," Cyrus said, placing a hand on TJ's arm.

"Wow, Cyrus, is this your handsome boyfriend?" Bex asked, sending them a blinding smile. TJ immediately blushed deep red. Cyrus' heart fluttered with pride.

"Yeah, this is TJ," he replied, smiling.

"Thank you for inviting me," TJ said, and if Cyrus hadn't gotten to know him pretty well recently, he would have missed how nervous he was. Now, he could tell from the look in his eyes.

"Oh, of course," Bex brushed him off, "bring it in, kid." She held out her arms again, and gave TJ a quick hug.

"Congratulations," Cyrus said.

"Thank you," Bex beamed. She looked around her, "I should probably continue to say hi."

She walked on, stopping by Bowie and Jonah, who were in deep conversation already. Cyrus returned his attention to TJ, placing a hand on his arm.

"She seems nice," TJ said with a smile.

"Definitely," Cyrus agreed, "I am so glad you came along."

"Me too," TJ replied.

* * *

There was plenty of food, and they had a blast at their table. TJ, Jonah and Marty entertained the rest of them with stories of their ridiculous antics. Cyrus didn't know if he should sigh or laugh at them. Apparently Marty had found a _YouTube_ video of some girls saying _'trust'_ at random times, before promptly doing a trust fall in the general direction of their friends' arms. Obviously the three of them had started that game as well, which had let to them falling over in many weird places. They really were idiots.

There was music, and most of them had been up and dancing once or twice already. Cyrus and Amber had done parts of their dance routine together, and TJ, Marty and Jonah had attempted to redo that Swan Lake ballet move that the men do in _Mamma Mia_. It had looked beyond ridiculous. Andi had danced with both her parents and was now dancing with Amber. Buffy, Cyrus and Jonah were dancing together, doing their back and forth shoulder shimmy, and TJ and Marty were eating their third or fourth portion.

Cyrus was getting thirsty again, so he excused himself and returned to their table. He emptied his glass and stole a fry from TJ's plate.

"Hey!" TJ protested.

"Oh, I am sorry," Cyrus smirked, "are you done eating? Come dance with me."

"Do I have a choice?" TJ jokingly asked.

"Nope!" Cyrus insisted, grabbing his hand and tugging him. TJ rolled his eyes dramatically and got up.

"You're bossy," he said, grinning and raising an eyebrow.

Cyrus scoffed. "You should be delighted by the prospect of dancing with me, your boyfriend!" he said, and then he crossed his feet and spun around dramatically. Or, that was what he attempted to do, but unfortunately he lost his balance in the end and fell right into TJ, who luckily caught him. Cyrus looked up, and the movement made his nose brush against TJ's chin. _Oh_. They were close.

"Sorry," Cyrus mumbled. TJ's hands were on his waist, holding him in place, so they were pressed together. Cyrus saw TJ's gaze drop and he could hardly breathe. He remembered vaguely, when Iris had been looking at him like that. His own hands were on TJ's chest, and out of sheer nerves his fingers tightened around the fabric of the jacket. TJ exhaled, looking back up. Cyrus' lips parted, but he wasn't able to form any words. They were so close, he could just stand on his toes and then-

Someone dropped a glass and the sound of it shattering on the floor was enough to break them apart. Cyrus cleared his throat and stepped backwards, readjusting his jacket in the process.

"So, dancing?" TJ said. He was holding out his hand, and Cyrus took it while nodding. They joined Andi and Amber, who were also holding hands and dancing. It was probably best they hadn't kissed before, even though Cyrus was a little disappointed. TJ smiled at him and recreated the spin Cyrus had attempted earlier, although he actually succeeded with his. Cyrus poked out his tongue. His boyfriend was a showoff.

Instead Cyrus decided to do the picking apples move. TJ started laughing and copied him. Amber was watching them, shaking her head. "This is what I had to work with!" she shouted to Andi over the music. Andi responded with a laugh.

* * *

Later, Cyrus was sitting by the table, thinking about what happened. It wasn't the first time in the past few weeks they had had a moment, where it seemed like they could have kissed. The moments had been happening more often too. They hadn't been anywhere as close the other times though. Cyrus sighed as he watched TJ and Amber dance.

He had thought of this moment many times. Ever since he realized he liked boys and not girls, he imagined getting to kiss one. He imagined kissing name- and faceless boys for a while after Jonah. Then, ever since he found TJ at the Tilt-A-Whirl, he had imagined what their first kiss would be like.

At Bex and Bowie's wedding seemed romantic enough, but also very public. In the movies, kisses were dramatic and impulsive and in the rain or in front of the whole school. Cyrus wasn't sure _that _was how he wanted it to happen. One thing was thinking about it, another was being fully ready.

The band stopped playing, and then the cake was rolled in. People returned to their seats, except Bex and Bowie. Their attempt at cutting the cake together was mostly successful, and Cyrus laughed when Bex smeared cake on Bowie's face. Bowie immediately kissed her, getting it on her as well. Andi was laughing, filming them.

People got up to get a piece. TJ looked at Cyrus and clapped his arm. "I got it."

Cyrus smiled "Thank you."

TJ returned with two plates with cake, and he placed one in front of Cyrus before sitting down. Buffy and Marty had returned with cake as well. Amber had sat down by Andi instead, and Jonah was still on the way back with his cake. He had stopped to talk to one of the Renaissance Boys.

Cyrus ate his whole piece, even though he had been sure there wasn't room for it in his stomach. He sighed dramatically and slumped back in his chair. Buffy patted his head and grinned at TJ. The band started playing again, and Andi came over, gesturing for them to dance with her.

"I ate too much cake. I need a break," Cyrus said. Andi laughed at him.

"Promise to dance with me later?" she said.

"Yes," he said. The others got up with her, except TJ who remained by Cyrus' side. He scooted the chair closer and Cyrus immediately reached out and took his hand. Holding TJ's hand really was the greatest thing. He was rewarded with a warm smile, and Cyrus returned it.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," TJ said, chuckling lightly. Cyrus decided he wasn't close enough, and scooted his own chair even closer, so he could place his head on TJ's shoulder.

"My favorite seat," he said. He could feel TJ's body shake as he laughed.

"It's yours," TJ said. Cyrus sighed, beyond content. He was sitting at a great wedding, with his wonderful boyfriend. He really was luckily. They sat there in silence, enjoying each other's company.

Cyrus looked at the guests and noticed Buffy and Marty were talking. Cyrus could see she was playing with her hair again. He knew he shouldn't be snooping, but he couldn't help but watch. It seemed there was a pause in their conversation, and then Buffy turned around and walked off. She headed for the door, leaving the party. Cyrus looked back at Marty. He was watching her leave, his eyes narrowed in confusion.

Cyrus wanted to follow her, to see if she was okay, but he also wanted to see what Marty would do. Luckily Marty followed her. That was good. Cyrus was curious, but returned his gaze to the dance floor. He thought back to what happened between him and TJ earlier. Their faces really had been close. If only he was brave enough to make the final move. At some point TJ let go of Cyrus' hand, and instead placed his so it rested on Cyrus' leg, just above his knee. Cyrus' skin tingled with electricity and his pulse quickened. He lifted his head and looked at TJ. _Why not right now? _

"What?" TJ asked, looking confused. Cyrus didn't respond, he just started leaning in slowly. TJ's gaze dropped, and his eyelids fluttered before closing. Cyrus wasn't really sure who was controlling his body, it seemed like it was acting on its own. The distance between them wasn't long, but it still took forever to close it. And yet, when TJ's lips touched his, Cyrus pulse flickered with surprise.

He pressed a proper kiss onto TJ's lips and after a moment's shock, TJ kissed him back, humming under his breath. Cyrus lingered there long enough for TJ's fingers to come up and brush against his jaw, and for his own hand to grab TJ's shoulder. There were so many butterflies fluttering around inside him, it was a wonder he wasn't floating above his chair. When they pulled back, TJ had the same look in his eyes like right after he realized Cyrus was Bambi. His fingers where still on Cyrus' jaw.

Cyrus lifted his hand, and ran it up and down TJ's underarm. "Wow... we just kissed."

"Yeah," TJ blushed.

"I liked it, if you couldn't tell," he said, smiling playfully, "not too bad for your first try."

"Well, since you're the expert, you'll have to tutor me," TJ grinned. There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

"You sure? There might be a lot of practice involved." Cyrus leaned in again, but this time he just pressed a quick kiss against TJ's cheek.

"I think I can live with that," TJ said. Cyrus placed his head back on his shoulder and sighed. He watched Jonah and Andi attempt to copy Amber's moves. Then Buffy and Marty walked into view, holding hands. TJ and Cyrus looked at each other in surprise, and then back to the two. They scrambled to their feet and rushed towards them.

"Ready to dance?" Buffy asked, playing innocent. Cyrus sent her a look.

"Actually, Buffy, can I borrow you for a moment?" he asked in a very official tone of voice. She rolled her eyes, but followed him none the less.

"You're impatient," she said, grinning.

"_Yes!_" Cyrus hissed, "so, what happened?"

"Well, I tried talking normally, without banter. It didn't work and I got awkward, so I left. He followed me, and I decided to just be honest. I told him I liked him the way he used to like me, and that was all I wanted to say, in cased he changed his mind," she told him in a hushed voice, "and then he took my hands in his and said _Buffy, I never changed my mind_. Aaand then he kissed me."

"He kissed you?!" Cyrus whisper-yelled, "Wow, so romantic!"

"I guess," she smiled, "you should try it."

"Bold of you to assume I haven't," Cyrus replied with a smug smile.

"Iris doesn't c-," Buffy froze for a moment, "_wait_ \- TJ?"

"Literally five minutes ago," Cyrus said, unable to stop his smile from growing wider.

"Should I be concerned about how synchronized we are?" Buffy asked, wrapping her arm around him. He wrapped his around her waist, and then they walked back to TJ and Marty.

"Nope, it's just a good hair crew thing," Cyrus giggled. He looked at TJ and noticed a blush coloring his cheeks. Evidently TJ and Marty had just had a similar conversation.

"Now we're ready to dance," Buffy grinned. The four of them walked to the dance floor. Andi spotted them and immediately threw herself into Cyrus' arms. He took her hands and twirled her. He was ready dance his ass off now!

* * *

"I am so happy you decided to comment on my tumblr post with an email account," Cyrus said, when they were sitting down again. People had started to go home, and they were waiting for his dad to pick them up. The wedding had left him kind of emotional, and very grateful to have TJ in his life.

"Me too," TJ said, "_and _that you wrote that post in the first place."

"Yeah," Cyrus sighed, "it feels like so long ago."

TJ nodded, and leaned forward, resting his forehead against Cyrus' for a moment. "Cyrus," he whispered, with so much affection.

"Thelonious," Cyrus whispered, just as he pulled back. TJ made a noise as his jaw dropped. He looked like the pikachu meme.

"You.." he said.

"Sorry!" Cyrus started, "I don't know why I said it. I know I promised not to. This night was just - wow - and I just wanted to, I don't know, mark how special it felt but I sho-"

He was cut off by TJ kissing him again, a little more forceful than earlier, but just as sweet and full of emotion. TJ let go and looked at him with such warm eyes Cyrus forgot how to speak. The soft candlelight made TJ's eyes so beautiful it was hard to believe they were real.

"So... maybe I like it little bit when _you_ use my name," TJ said, looking surprised at his own words.

"Really?" Cyrus asked, breaking into a grin.

"Not all the time!" he said, "but this time it was nice."

"Okay," Cyrus said, "I will save it for special, alone time occasions. _Wait no_, that sounded wrong! Stop laughing!"

TJ didn't stop though, he just leaned forward, and continued to laugh while resting his forehead against Cyrus' shoulder.

"I hate you," Cyrus said, "I just meant I wouldn't use it around other people."

"I know," TJ sat back up, "I am allowed to laugh when my boyfriend is adorkable."

Cyrus huffed, pretending to be offended. Even though being called TJ's boyfriend always made him all soft and gooey on the inside.

"I know you can't resist me," TJ grinned, running a hand through his hair. Cyrus exhaled audibly. _Unfair_. He pouted a little. TJ leaned in and brushed a quick kiss against his cheek. "I am kind of excited about the fact that I can do that now."

Cyrus smiled. "All because of a few emails."

"Yeah," TJ said. Then he leaned his head on Cyrus shoulder, and Cyrus started running his fingers through TJ's hair.

"Sorry my parents are making you sleep in the guest room," Cyrus said.

"That's fine," TJ said, "we have the whole day to do homework and watch movies."

"Yes," Cyrus grinned at the thought. He was planning on wearing pajamas the whole day, and snuggling as much as possible. "I'm looking forward to it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS FOR READING!!! <3 
> 
> Aaaah! It's finished! I can't believe it! Please tell me what you thought! I always think writing endings is so hard... like, how do you make the last sentence good?? Anyway, hopefully most of the other sentences were, haha.  
I love you, thank you for everything!


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